This Hollywood Chris Had The Best Year & No One Can Fight It

Designed by Janet Sung.
2018 was a big year for the Hollywood Chrises. If you’re new to the planet (welcome!), that means Chris Pratt, Chris Evans, Chris Pine, and Chris Hemsworth. Attractive, affable and conventionally amusing, these four men have come to symbolize all that is good.
And even in these trying times, they delivered. They gave us full-frontal nudity, superhero drama, fun Twitter exchanges, memorable sartorial choices, and some pretty killer dancing. One of them even came back from the dead!
Still, the trouble in ranking the Chrises (though many have tried) is that they are inherently defined by their identity as a unit. They each have some individual quirks that make them their own specific brand of Chris, but none of those have thus far been more powerful than the overarching brand that is The Chrises.
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But who says it has to stay that way? What if there really was one Chris to rule them all? One who could lead us into what will hopefully be a brighter, 2019 future? Imagine what a world that would be!
Keep reading to find out who our reigning Chris will be come 2019.

Chris Pratt

- Fell victim to the great Avengers: Infinity War purge (-50 pts)
- Started dating 28-year-old Katherine Schwarzenegger (+30 pts — they seem happy)
- Had the support of his very committed and mostly polite fans (+10 pts)
- Reprised his role as tiresome manly man Owen in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (-60 pts)
- Helped raise money for California wildfire victims (+100 pts)
- Finalized divorce with Anna Faris (0 pts — it appears to have been amicable)
- Played the Chris fame game (+50 pts)
TOTAL: 80 pts
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Chris Evans

- Survived the great Avengers: Infinity War purge (+50 pts)
- Grew a delectable Captain America beard (+100 pts)
- Went beardless in the Avengers: Endgame trailer (-150 pts — extra points lost for not recognizing a good thing)
- But also used it to share the joy of his perfect dog, Dodger (+100 pts)
- And to adorably share his incredulity that the old timey movie in Home Alone isn’t real (+ 60 pts)
- And to troll other Chrises (+50 pts)
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TOTAL: 310 pts
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Chris Hemsworth

- Survived the great Avengers: Infinity War purge (+50 pts)
- Almost broke his co-stars’ brains — and the internet — with his shirtless Bad Times At The El Royale dance (+150 pts)
- Rocked a handlebar mustache and actually pulled it off! (+20 pts)
- Picked up a hitchhiker who turned out to be a cool musician. (+30 pts)
- Managed to joyfully keep up with Tessa Thompson in the Men In Black International trailer (40 pts)
TOTAL: 450 pts
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Chris Pine

- Gave us the gift of full-frontal Pine peen (+250 pts)
- Didn’t enjoy talking about said peen (-50 pts)
- But he had a good reason (+10 pts)
- Frolicked around in a seaside caftan (+100 pts — we love a man in bold vacation apparel)
- Resuscitated Steve Trevor (+300 pts — we all saw his plane disappear! But nope, he’s back!)
- Single-handedly brought back fanny packs on the set of Wonder Woman: 1984 (+50 pts — cool, but fanny packs are still ugly)
- Was spotted using a flip-phone (+30 pts — cute, but inconvenient)
- And driving a STATION WAGON (+60 pts — especially if the caftan is also involved)
- Released a Christmas album as Spider-Man! (+100 pts)
- Will continue to serve as Patty Jenkins’ male muse in TNT’s I Am The Night (+40 pts)
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TOTAL: 890 pts
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Christine Baranski

- Set the world on fire in Mamma Mia 2 (+1,000 pts)
- Drowned us in BDE (+500 pts)
- Owned it like a pro. (+800 pts)
It’s almost 2019. Time for a new Chris.
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