SNL Invites You To Meet Dolton, The Virgin Hunk

Photo: Courtesy of ABC.
Bachelor Nation, brace yourselves, because Saturday Night Live spared no one in this week's skewering of Colton Underwood's season with their "Virgin Hunk" sketch. Host James McAvoy plays Dolton, a "26-year-old virgin whose job is exercises" just trying to find love on the set of a TV show along with a lot of random women in evening gowns "who didn't vote." And those are just the burns in the introduction.
It's hard to say what about Dolton deserves the biggest laugh: his ambiguous reasons for being a virgin, that he's from Turd River, CO, or that bit about how he's not saving himself — he's just waiting to have sex until the producers say go. The real Colton hasn't expressed any religious motivation for not having sex, nor attached any personal principals or ethics to it when he has discussed it (at length) in the numerous times its referenced on the show. Glad we aren't the only ones who noticed and wonder what's up with that.
The Hannah B. and Caelynn drama gets a nod here too, when Hannah G (Cicely Strong) takes on the former's role and talks shit on another girl, asking, "Does that make you like me more?" Miss America also takes a hit, when Jessica C. (Heidi Gardner) shows up in a Miss Vagina sash. Now that we all know all the details of the feuding Miss America contestants, it seems like her comment, "I don't know what to say, because I've never been myself even once" is a dig at Caelynn, as well as all the women who aren't Demi on this season.
Strong also manages to get a joke in about how the "cougars" on this season are insanely young ("I'm 31, so I'm almost dead") and a blue-ribbon Dirty John joke.
SNL doesn't even have to make a joke out of that horribly awkward moment when Onyeka (played in the sketch by Ego Nwodim) asked Colton if he remembered her name and then had to teach him how to say it; they just play it as it happened and cap it off with, "Anyway, I'm Black and I have short hair so I just wanted to say goodbye!" Brutal, but accurate.

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