MAFS Recap Episode 8 2024: Man Talks To A Woman For The First Time, Probably

Alright hotties, buckle up because we're back for a recap of episode 8 of Married At First Sight 2024. It's part two of 'Confessions Week', which sees couples dive into their past and be honest with each other, all in the name of intimacy. But honestly, we should just rebrand this to 'Clusterfuck Week', because once again, we are taken for a ride this ep.

After the fallout of episode 7, plenty of dudes should be grovelling for forgiveness right now. We kick off the ep in Andrea and Richard's room, dealing with the fallout of Richard's massive misstep in the photo ranking task, which saw him rank Andrea (a literal angel) third out of all the women.

"Realistically, I'm not as good-looking as those girls. I'm 51," Andrea says to Richard, which has honestly filled me with rage that someone could make her feel this way because she's gorgeous through and through. In an attempt to win her back, Richard says that he's more attracted to her than anyone else, which Andrea quickly dismisses as bullshit given, you know, his ranking (it's empirical evidence, mate). "That's not what you put, though... I'm not as special as I thought I was," she says. At this stage, all I can say is that Richard needs to take his dirty MITTS off her shoulders and that he doesn't deserve her, sorry.

Next up is Jayden, once our hero, he's now fallen from grace after a confession revealed that he revenge-fucked his ex-girlfriend's bestie... while she watched. Eden admits that while she thinks the act itself was "twisted", she's stuck on the fact that he says he didn't regret it. But after a bit of a chat, Jayden starts seeing the problem with the whole thing. "It pushed me to a place where I was really upset, and I didn't know how to handle it," Jayden tells her. Eventually, he admits that he hopes the experts will "teach" him how to deal with his emotions going forward. While the whole conversation is odd, these two seem to have gotten over it... I think?

The task that just won't go away because it's too good is back, seeing another round of couples rate the attractiveness of their fellow castmates. Please, I'm begging ya'll to stop this madness. Kicking off the drama is bestest best buds Collins and Natalie, who have miraculously gotten back together after the prospect of going back to work was just too much for them (probably). There's a sick part of me that simultaneously hates these photo ranking challenges whilst also being incredibly addicted to them and the fallout that comes after. So if this relationship is already shitty, it's about to get even worse. Collins proceeds to rate the women (saying all their names wrong in the process), ranking Ellie, Eden and Cass as his top three. Unsurprisingly, Natalie looks like she's about to cry, as she often does in his presence.

In speaking about her insecurities with expert John, Natalie admits that she isn't "the typical bleached Bondi babe" and questions whether she's pretty. "But then I love who I am inside," she says. It's something that a lot of women will resonate with, especially when they're thrust into an experiment with a bunch of women who are very conventionally attractive. Thankfully, Collins knows not to chuck a Richard and ends up placing Natalie first in the ranking. "She's a very gorgeous looking girl... lady," he said. I'm embarrassed to admit that I actually got goosebumps here because the bar for men is SO LOW.

For the next part of Clusterfuck Week, the couples must rank their core values. This is something I can get behind! We love value alignment! The first couple dealing with this is Ellie and Ben. Let's not forget Ben is the one who came under fire for 1) having a podcast (valid) and 2) potentially not being in the experiment for the right reasons (a first in the show's history, probably).

Ellie placed 'family-orientated' and 'wants children' at the top of her values list, while Ben, the silly little sausage, put 'good conversation' and 'healthy lifestyle' at the top, followed by 'financial stability' and 'good looks'. In news that shocks absolutely no one, 'family-orientated' and 'wants children' were placed near the bottom. At this stage, I'm genuinely wondering why the experts thought these two would be a good couple.

After a brief but odd tirade from Ben about women "settling" for any guy who has teeth, Ellie aired concerns about him not listening to her about her desire to have children. In response (well, it's portrayed as a response even though we don't see him directly say the words), he says that she's a "very sensitive woman". The gall, the gumption, the audacity. The more this guy talks, the more I understand why he's got a podcast — because no one in his real life wants to listen to him.

As if this guy could not get ANY WORSE, he looks directly into the camera and says, "Kids are very important for females, I understand." At the beginning, I was just hoping Ben's words may have been frankenbitten for dramatic effect. But the more I see of this dude, the more I'm convinced that this is literally the first woman he's ever spoken to in his life.

As if I couldn't love this couple more, Timothy rocks up with flowers for Lucinda, while she casually sports the Aboriginal flag on national television. Angels reincarnated, I tell ya. As they sit down to do the values task, we're reminded why these two are legitimately such a good couple (and no, we don't just mean by MAFS standards), with the two of them both putting down 'good conversation' as their number one core value.

But the dialogue soon returns to their sexual compatibility — a recurring topic in their relationship — after Timothy ranks 'good in bed' relatively low on their values scale. Lucinda, who earlier asked Tim if he wanted to go to a four-day tantric sex workshop, asks him if he's a "sexual being", to which he replies, "Not necessarily". In response, Lucinda replies with "Cool", then slowly pushes the value card back into the pile. Comedic perfection, I tell you.

Then we're back with Cassandra and Tristan, who I feel like I haven't seen since the first episode. It's revealed that the two haven't kissed yet, with Cassandra feeling like they're quite behind in their relationship. In response, the experts task them with the 'Letter Writing Task'. Tristan's letter is about why he struggles with making the first move, which he explains is drawn to him being overweight as a child and the bullying that surrounds this. Cassandra finally feels like she understands him and tells him, "I think you're beautiful." After going for a walk outside, Tristan picks a flower for her and kisses Cassandra for the first time. And just like that, the entirety of Australia was fist-pumping and hooting at their TVs, probably.

But just as I'm riding this nice, positive wave, the MAFS gods have other plans and reveal that our favourite pair, Timothy and Lucinda, are in troubled water. Timmy has asked her for "more space" and I want to shake him and be like, "No Timmy, don't be like that!!! Don't let the bad thoughts win!" Backed by the most chaotic violin soundtrack I think I've ever heard, Lucinda asks him what he's doing to build the sexual relationship between them and it doesn't go down well. Lucinda wants to be smooched, while Timmy looks like he's just deeply uncomfy about the whole thing.

At this stage, I'm getting whiplash with how quickly we're cycling through all the couples. We now jump to Tim and Sara, whose relationship seems beyond boring, but nonetheless, we persist. The two chat about their trust issues and cheating exes (is it just me, or has everyone been cheated on in this season?!). Thankfully, the two are served a letter telling them they need to show each other their phones in the name of trust. I also love trust and absolutely do not love drama. Sara feels the task is "invasive" and doesn't want to participate. But while Sara highlights the fact the whole task is the antithesis of trust, Tim airs concerns about her potentially hiding something. HEALTHY.

Of course, we need to finish the episode with Tori and Jack, the literal bane of my existence, who are also tasked with the photo ranking challenge. "Put me last and I'll suffocate you in your sleep," Tori jokes (ha ha...unless?). With Jack previously admitting that there were no "sexual sparks" flying between the two, I'm bracing for a very, very bad time.

Jack proceeds to rattle off his exact type: "My physical type is gorgeous eyes, a gorgeous smile, long hair – I can't stand short hair on women, don't know who does. Brunette over blonde, and I like big boobs." The fact that I fit a lot of this guy's criteria makes me immediately want to cut my hair, bleach it blonde, and get a boob reduction, stat.

After placing Lauren lower because she's taller than him and he doesn't "want to walk home with someone who's six inches taller" because he's "going to feel like a little bitch" (I can tell you it's not the height that would make you a little bitch, my friend), he proceeds to say about another thousand offensive things, unsurprisingly.

But the real douchebaggery came out when Jack joked that Tori needed to "convince" her husband that she's the hottest. Ughhhhhhhhhh. Every year, we get a tool like this, but every year, I'm still surprised at the audacity of these blokes. Especially from dudes that wear stupid hats!!!

In a wild turn of events, Jack ends up doing the right thing and ranking Tori at the top of the pile. I know, I'm surprised too. Sunday night is the first commitment ceremony of the experiment, and I honestly think I need to take a bleach bath after everything tonight.

"She's a very sensitive woman."

Cassandra and Tristan for smooching despite the nerves!

Lauren, for ranking Ben last because he's "full of shit".