I Sell My Clothes Online To Men Who Want To Be My Paypig

Photographed by Poppy Thorpe.
My dabbling in being dominant began when I started university. Selling my knickers to men on Reddit and my shoes to submissives, I saw being a findom (financial dominatrix) as a side hustle rather than a lifestyle. A bit of extra cash plus a power trip? Sign me up. Currently I have one regular paypig (a man who has consented to financial servitude to me, his mistress) who has all the usual fantasies: licking my shoes and meeting at ATMs to give me money. 
He has other clothing-specific fetishes too. While it’s the stuff of many people’s Depop drama, this paypig fantasises about me making a Depop listing that he has to buy but I never send. He also dreams of me posting him knickers that I’ve worn for days so he can keep them in his boxers or under his pillow because he has to do whatever I tell him (within consensually agreed terms, of course). 
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For the purposes of this piece, I implored my pig to explain his reasoning for wanting my worn clothing. "I’ll be honest, there’s a lot of it I don’t understand, like worn shoes and socks," he told me. "But with underwear I like the thrill of it. It’s exciting to have something private that belonged to you: my dom."
For as long as there has been the internet, the phenomenon of flogging clothing to the anonymous submissive men who want it has existed. The BDSM relationship dynamics which underpin it have been around for even longer. The reasons as to why a person might crave being sold underwear and long to partake in submissive acts aren’t as straightforward as simply being born liking it. Laura Vowels, a therapist from the sex and relationship therapy app Blueheart, tells me that "giving up power and being submissive can give a person a sense of relief." She continues: "If during the day someone is in a high pressure, high responsibility job, it may be the only way for them to switch off. A part of it can also have come through messages via media in which men especially are portrayed as dominant sexually whereas women are portrayed as more submissive."
Georgina, 21, who sells knickers, tights and socks to her submissives, agrees with this sentiment. "I have had experience with older wealthier men with high profile, professional jobs in which they’re unable to drop their guard but around me they let it go completely, which leads them to becoming completely submissive." She explains that her clients like buying her clothing for two reasons. Either financial domination – where she is in control of their money and gets hefty cuts of any money they make outside of their arrangement too – or what’s known as sissification, where the sub likes being dressed up as a woman or a doll.
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Giving up power and being submissive can give a person a sense of relief.

Laura Vowels, therapist
Georgina feels that when these submissive wants come from men in particular, they stem from toxic masculinity. As she sees it, the 'male bravado' that so many men feel they have to keep up dissipates in private. "I think they desire to get in touch with their feminine side but feel too embarrassed – or potentially don’t know how to approach it – which is why they seek out dommes or even just more powerful women in general."
Nick Hatter, a psychodynamic behaviour coach, also believes the submissive and dominant exchange all boils down to power or, in the sub’s case, giving up power to somebody else. In the specific case of buying worn clothing from their dominant, he comments that "the act of buying clothing from a 'dominant' is a power exchange in itself. It may also feel like the dominant is giving them love, providing for them – much like a parent provides clothing and love for their child. The submissive probably just wants to feel loved."
While this ties in with the concept that often, kink play is linked to coping with our inner traumas, Vowels noted when we spoke that "BDSM can also be incredibly healing for people who have experienced sexual trauma because it is about letting go, or exercising control, in a safe environment." If we focus too much on why people enter into such arrangements then we risk making the experience clinical when, in reality, it’s anything but. 
For submissives, buying clothing is about power and release but it is important to recognise it is a sexual act, too. As my pig puts it: "There is an animal element to it. It’s dirty. It’s sexy. It’s about wanting to feel a raw connection to your dom." 
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As more and more people become aware of the ability to sell worn clothing to the fetishists who get off on it, the stigma that surrounds both domming and being dommed is slowly diminishing. Getting behind the new wave of findoms is Rebekka Blue, who not only has a career in sex work herself but now trains others in how to be the best findom possible. 

The act of buying clothing from a 'dominant' is a power exchange in itself. It may also feel like the dominant is giving them love, providing for them – much like a parent provides clothing and love for their child.

Nick Hatter, psychodynamic behaviour coach
On her website, Blue links her OnlyFans accounts, her multiple stores and her ebooks. These teach everything from spotting scammers to how to sell "weird things on the Internet". She has amassed over one million subscribers to her TikTok, where she has an ongoing series of the items she sells to subs. (The list includes office chairs, used cotton wool pads and bottles of her sweat as well as many more oddities.) 
Speaking to me via email, Blue explains that she usually finds that "sub men enjoy the submissive feeling they may receive from purchasing personal items from women. It can vary from an infatuation with their seller [to] a sense of worshipping their Goddess. I often see my clients desiring to lose all control and completely submit to the seller offering ownership of them." 
While Blue has amassed a huge online following from talking about the more obscure things she flogs to her clients, she tells me that "panties and socks are actually the most popular items" among her subs. They also like "workout clothes such as leggings and sports bras." The more mundane requests she gets are "bras sprayed with perfume, or brand new lingerie with tags." She says that "the majority of buyers wear the clothing themselves once they receive it" and with this type of sale she encourages "sellers to charge their client to rate photos of them wearing what they’ve bought as a post-purchase request."
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However, for Blue it’s not all about money. She feels strongly that there are upsides to being a dom that need to be mentioned. "I enjoy the power over my subs and what girl doesn’t like feeling worshipped?" she says. "There also comes the natural high you get after you make a sale and the ROI (return on investment) is quite impressive. If you can buy a panty for £5 and sell it for 50, there comes a newfound sense of freedom from being your own boss." 
Georgina agrees that there is a thrill in the power trip from domming that can’t be found in other aspects of life. "I got picked on all my life for being curvy and dressing a bit weird," she says, "but the same guys that bullied me have become the ones that ask me to dom them and buy my worn knickers – it is an incredible feeling of catharsis."
The world of selling worn clothing (and toe dividers, belly button rings and even IUDs in the case of Rebekka Blue) is becoming more and more mainstream every day. Indeed, a friend of mine who has never been a findom recently told me that she was approached on Twitter to sell the leather jacket she wears in her profile picture with a spritz of her perfume on it for £300 and seriously considered it. The only thing that stopped her was "that it’s Marques'Almeida for Topshop which means it’s now basically a collector’s item."
As far as I’m concerned (favourite clothes aside), as long as both participants in a findom/sub scenario are playing out their scenes and carrying out their sales with mutual consent and respect for each other, there is no reason for it not to be mainstream. As Blue succinctly (and caringly) puts it: "Society may consider these 'weird' exchanges but I have a massive admiration for anyone who has the confidence to express their sexual desires in a safe, consensual way."
Finally, Vowels makes an important point, too. She tells me that the sub/dom dynamic, like other fetishes, can feel like an all-encompassing part of the lived experience for the individual who has that particular sexual preference. "There are some people for whom BDSM and power play feel like a sexual orientation. They have felt drawn to power dynamics from the moment they became aware of their sexuality." Kink is important to people’s lives and that should be not only acknowledged but celebrated. It certainly shouldn’t ever be shamed. There is absolutely no reason to look down on fetishists. Unless, of course, they’re asking you to humiliate them – in which case, make sure they pay you first.

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