Actual, Real Holiday Gifts That Are Too Horrible To Give

The most effective gifts are able to communicate something you have trouble saying with words. I think I love you. I want to be a part of your life. Forgive me. But there's another category of gifts that also speak the things you'd never say out loud. Have you considered that you might have halitosis? Are you spending too much money on those blue drinks? I think you're going to die alone.
In December, gift-giving becomes as time- and brain-consuming as a full-time job, and though we're not saying that you, dear shoppers, are fluff-brained enough to consider a repurposed condom brooch a suitable gift...things happen. Or, at least, eggnog-drunk shopping happens. And to gird yourself against those situations, we've poked around online to dig up actual, real, shoppable things that exist that someone out there thought might be a fun thing to give to another person. But that person was wrong.