This $30K Ugly Christmas Sweater Isn’t Ugly, It’s Everything

Photo: Courtesy of Tipsy Elves.
So, you've been schlepping from one Ugly Christmas Sweater-themed holiday fête to the next? We're about to save you some Dumpster-diving. Behold, the $30,000 ugly-as-sin Christmas sweater to help you win the prize for Fugliest Knitwear Known To Man. With the help of Swarovski, the folks over at Tipsy Elves has proven that you can make this particular category of holiday ready-to-wear vaguely luxury if you just put a galaxy of rhinestones on it. So, before you click "Add To Bag," you should know a team of excessively festive people (elves, presumably?) spent 52 hours burning the midnight oil, carefully placing 24,724 crystals onto an ugly sweater that could have otherwise just stayed cheap. And while $30K could be better spent on things like charity (or, perhaps, a Louis Vuitton crocodile Petite Malle bag, or a new car), it's the whopping 52 hours that really puts the nail in the proverbial coffin. FYI, that's practically the length of a roundtrip flight from the U.S. to Australia. It's that 30 minutes of waiting around for a fashion show to 104 shows. It's more than two full days of crystal-affixing. Anyway, the item description reads: "Make history by purchasing this once in a lifetime collector's item, and become the owner of this record setting sweater." History will be made, indeed. Because from the moment you enter your credit card information and pull the trigger, you will forever be known as the dunce who could've just gone to sleep instead of indulging in some particularly festive but bank-account ravaging retail therapy. This will go down as one of the most extra things to come out of 2016, as will the $3K dog costume. We kind of can't believe we're saying this, but can it just be Fashion Week already?

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