Let us paint you a picture: You're sitting on some inflatable armchair in a friend's bedroom, applying hair mascara to your front two chin-length strands. You've got your cap-sleeved, baby ringer tee emblazoned with your favorite band (Weezer? Oasis? Sleater-Kinney?), and you're rocking your worn-in pair of flares that you've carefully un-hemmed to reveal a "funky trim." On your feet? Candies wooden slides, obviously.
Who would have thought that, decades later, you'd be staring into a exhumation of those long-forgotten sandals. Like a hybrid between Japanese geta sandals, '70s clogs, and the Candies original, these shoes were a jarring sight on Zara this morning. Looking like Nutella-slathered baguettes from above and fishing boats from behind, these definitely qualify as ugly shoes. So, as one of the biggest proponents of that movement, we're hesitant to dismiss this pair outright; with the right cropped jean and flowing tunic, you might look Céline-esque — not Jenny McCarthy-esque.
However, with the huge round studs, square toe, and plywood-grain wooden soles, we're inclined to think these slides are a blast from the past much like your high school crush is: You've got fond memories of the two of you, but it's not like you're looking to reintroduce those frosted tips and puka-shell necklaces back into your life right now. Some things are better left in yearbooks.