Refinery29’s Halloween Stars: Joshua David Stein Barks up a Birch Tree

stein1029 Short on inspiration for Halloween this Friday? Refinery29's favorite people share their best and worst trick-or-treating moments to help you prepare for the holiday in style.
Joshua David Stein, Writer—Birch Tree.
What's the best costume you've ever had?
In 5th grade I was a 50 pound bag of dog food. Dry dog food. Iams, actually. I had a bowl of dog food on my head. Bitches loved it. Oh yeah, also, at one point, I was Tantalus. I had a toga, a fake bunch of grapes and I had fashioned a wrought-iron harness that hung the grapes always out of reach. I went to Heidi Klum's Halloween party that year. She eclipsed me. She had a UFO out of which she crawled, completely covered in gold, followed by an entourage of midgets.

What's Best costume you've ever seen?

Lisa Mayock. 2007. Bodega.

What was your favorite candy as a kid?
My favorite candy was hot dogs. There was a woman in my neighborhood with a gimpy arm. She made hot dogs for Halloween. Therefore, hot dogs are my favorite candy.
What's the most absurd "sexy" costume imaginable?
At one point, there was an STD test I had to take where a Q-Tip was inserted into my urethra by a nurse. It was extremely painful. The idea of a sexy nurse, therefore, is absurd to me.
Have you ever had a wardrobe malfunction?
My life is a constant wardrobe malfunction, each unwise sartorial decision opening into a new one.
Do you have any costume pet peeves?
Anything from Ricky's, any Karl Lagerfield, cheerleaders, ghosts, Freddie Krueger, and zombies (for the most part).
What was the schlockiest last-minute costume you've seen?
At one point, in elementary school, I just threw on my SpaceCamp onesie and said I was an astronaut.
What was your best Halloween moment?
In Florence one year I was the Minotaur. I was in a loincloth and traipsed around the city trying to find clay which I for some reason thought it was necessary to smear onto my body.
Any plans for this year?
I'll be on the Mayan Riviera, celebrating the Festival of Life and Death.

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