Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Just days ago, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West welcomed her fourth child, their second son, into the world via surrogate. Today, Kim and Kanye West celebrated their growing family with a special edition of Kanye's Sunday Service for moms. But on this week's Keeping Up with the Kardashians, things aren't as celebratory. The town of Calabasas is battling the California fires. The Woolsey fires, which also hit Malibu and Northern California, damaged thousands of homes, and nearly took out a few of the Kardashian's residences. But when you're a Kardashian, even a natural disaster isn't stopping your social life.
Here's everything that happened tonight on KUWTK.
A Few Notable Cameos
First, Rob ! Hello, sir. The most elusive Kardashian stops by Khloé's to celebrate Dream's 2nd birthday. Khloé reveals that this is the first birthday that Rob has had Dream alone (so, like, one of...two), and the comment feels like a subtle update on the state of Rob and Blac Chyna. The update being: Hostile. Kylie hosts a butterfly-fairy themed birthday party for Dream, and Kris anoints her the best party planner. An honor.
Second, Jordyn Woods! Yes, Miss Woods has made her KUWTK debut this season and it's on really good terms. Last September, Kylie and Jordyn launched a Kylie Cosmetics collection just days before Jordyn's 21st birthday. To celebrate their collab, Kylie hosts a lunch for her friends and family, and Khloé is, of course, in attendance. She's the only sister to make speech, and specifically calls out Jordyn in it. "I am so proud of Kylie and Jordyn," she says. "Jordyn, for you to be turning 21 — I have known you for forever, and I am so proud of you and the woman you have grown into and are growing into. To see you guys stick together and be best friends through thick and thin is such a blessing." Yikes.
Third, Khloé's fire anxiety. During the evacuation in Calabasas, Khloé has to have a few stern words with Rob who comes over to stay with her after being evacuated from his house. Rob doesn't have to leave, and it's stressing her the fuck out. Eventually, Khloé ends up at a hotel with Kourtney and Kim, while Rob eventually ends up reluctantly going to his friend's place with Dream. Eventually, Kourtney and Kim have an intervention with Khloé to tell her to stop bringing up the fire because she is scaring the kids. She's able to calm her nerves by jumping on the bed with the kids, which also feels a little unsafe, but whatever.
Still in the hotel room, Kim starts getting stressed that our fourth cameo, Alice Johnson , the woman Kim famously helped get out of prison, is coming to town for the Criminal Justice Reform Summit and to make dinner at Kim's, but now the Kardashian-West home is off-limits because of the evacuation. Kris uses the opportunity to remind Kim that people are dying (something she has literally been told before), and the mother-daughter duo reflect on their privilege before decided to just host the dinner at Kendall's. At Kendall's modest mansion, we learn that Alice is a huge Kanye fan, and that Kendall has an apron that just says "Kendall" in huge letters.
Fifth, Ariana Grande! Kris met the singer years ago, and is incredibly psyched to appear in her "thank u, next" video as a "video hoe" AKA the mom in Mean Girls. Ariana's mom is also there, and the two momagers share a sweet moment.
The final cameo is Donald Trump (sort of). While he doesn't have a full appearance, he is a big part of the episode because Kim is hoping for his approval on a piece of legislature that she's been working on with Jessica Jackson.
Kim, A Calabasas Fairy Godmother
Kim is still going hard in the law school life. She is working closely with her mentors (18 hours a week), in addition to her own prison reform ambitions, most notably the First Step Act, which she's been working on with Jessica. "It is extremely for Trump to support the First Step Act," Kim says, adding "I feel like we can get this done." And by the end of the episode, she does. Trump announces his support for the bipartisan bill from DC just moments before Kim goes on stage to speak at the summit on the west coast. It's good news despite the wildfire is are still burning throughout a Los Angeles and Ventura counties.
While in conversation with Van Jones during the summit, Kim talks about her work alongside Jessica (not yet revealing that she is in law school because, remember, the Vogue cover revealing her career pivot only just came out in April), and if her husband's political ideas affect hers. She says no, because she knows what's in his heart.
After the fires, Kim does one final good deed during an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. She meets a firefighter and his wife who lost their home and many irreplaceable memories in the fire and she, with Kanye, donate $100,000 for them to start rebuilding their lives. Tears are shed.
Kendall Is Hungry
Kendall shares a story about eating. Recently, she ate 10 wings from Wing Stop, then went to In'n'Out, and then ate a whole "thing" of Carbone.
Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):
"We should pack the Range with a memory box, valuables..." — Khloé's assistant
"Everything is valuable." — Khloé
"Everything is valuable." — Khloé
"Khloé — they have PopTart crisps!" — Rob