Game Of Bones: The Only March Madness Bracket That Will Satisfy Your GOT Thirst

Photo: Courtesy of HBO.
When two juggernauts this social media-friendly show up at the same time, you have to put them together, right? Toss that basketball bracket aside in favor of the sexiest, thirstiest, and horniest feat of bracketology you will ever behold. While a basic Thrones competition may pit backstabbing character against backstabbing character or bloody death against bloody death, we got to the heart of the HBO blockbuster: its sex scenes.
Advertisement
After all, the dragon-filled epic is the TV show that led to the coinage of the term “sexposition.” Winter may be coming when the show returns on April 14, but things are just heating up when these 32 sex scenes go head to head (all puns completely intended). That's not all: You can print out the bracket to complete with your friends, officemates, and — depending on what type of relationship you have — family members. Stick it up on a wall and celebrate your thirst for caves and Jon Snow's butt ASAP.
If you need an explanation of how this all works — and a reminder of what, or who, goes down in this legion of sex scenes — keep reading.
Designed by Hannah Minn.
Eagle-eyed Thrones fans will likely notice that infamous scenes like Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Cersei Lannister’s (Lena Heady) controversial moment next to their dead son Joffrey’s (Jack Gleeson) body is missing. It was purposefully left out in the Night King's cold — non-consensual scenes are not included.
These polarizing scenes clear the way for 32 tantalizing rendezvous guaranteed to give you stirrings. Let’s go through what each number ranking, or seed, in the parlance of March Madness, means, and the details of each roll in the hay (or silks, or furs).

No. 1 Seeds: The Iconic Ones

Cersei and Jaime in “Winter Is Coming”
Season 1, episode 1
The oldest Lannister siblings bring twincest to Winterfell’s tallest tower… before Jaime tosses Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead Wright) out of a window. The things he does for love. Watch here.
Advertisement
Robb & Talisa in “The Prince of Winterfell”
Season 2, episode 8
After half a season of sexual tension, King In The North Robb Stark (Bodyguard’s Richard Madden) and healer Talisa Maegyr (Oona Chaplin) finally consummate their romance. No Thrones sex scene has set more tragedy in motion. Watch here.
Jon & Ygritte in “Kissed By Fire”
Season 3, episode 5
Jon Snow (Kit Harington) knows one thing, and that is cunnilingus — ask the very lucky Ygritte (Rose Leslie). Watch here.
Dany & Drogo in “The Kingsroad”
Season 1, episode 2
Daenerys Targaryen (Emila Clarke) grabs her power, and Khal Drogo (Jason Mamoa), by really riding her husband for the first time. Watch here.

No. 2 Seeds: The Greats

Melisandre & Gendry in “Second Sons”
Season 3, episode 8
Melisandre’s (Carice van Houten) light BDSM romp with Gendry (Joe Dempsie) is all fun and very sexy games until she drops leeches on his penis. Watch here.
The Sexposition Scene in “You Win Or You Die”
Season 1, episode 7
Littlefinger (Aidan Gillen) explains his elaborate plans for world domination while Northern sex worker Ros (Esmé Bianco) hooks up with another professional named Armeca (Sahara Knite). It’s an eyebrow-raising scene that gave birth to a brand new, very appropriate phrase: sexposition. Watch here.
Missandei & Grey Worm in “Stormborn”
Season 7, episode 2
Before Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) heads off to war, he confesses his long simmering love for Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel). The result is one of Game Of Thrones’ most feminist sex scenes. Watch here.
Advertisement
Jon & Dany in “The Dragon & The Wolf”
Season 7, episode 7
Jon and Dany finally hook up. While the scene isn't as passionate as some hoped, it still had fans reevaluating their stance on incest. Watch here.

No. 3 Seeds: The Unforgettable Or The Sexy

Stannis & Melisandre in “The Night Lands”
Season 2, episode 2
Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane) and Melisandre made a shadow baby (who would later kill his brother). Watch here.
Oberyn & Ellaria’s Orgy in “Breaker of Chains”
Season 4, episode 3
Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal) and Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) doing what they love most: seducing multiple sex workers while celebrating queer sex. Watch here.
Cersei & Jaime in “The Queens Justice”
Season 7, episode 3
Queen Cersei bends the knee for Jaime’s pleasure — and in the morning, she wants everyone in the Red Keep to know about it. Watch here.
Tyrion & Ros in “Winter Is Coming”
Season 1, episode 1
In case you forgot, Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) was introduced to the GoT world mid-coitus in a Northern brothel. Would you expect anything less? Watch here.

No. 4 Seeds: The Underrated Ones

Married Robb & Talisa in “The Bear & The Maiden Fair”
Season 3, episode 7
Robb and Talisa’s first sex scene may get all the attention, but this is the one filled with glistening abs, bare butts, and a surprise pregnancy announcement. Watch here.
Advertisement
Podrick & The Sex Workers in “Walk of Punishment”
Season 3, episode 3
Loyal squire Podrick Payne (Daniel Portman) is the greatest lay in all of Westeros, and that’s a fact. Watch here.
Jaime & Cersei in “The Children”
Season 4, episode 10
At last, the Lannister twins choose each other, conventions (and father) be damned. A table in the Red Keep is their witness. Watch here.
Tyrion & Shae in “Baelor”
Season 1, episode 9
Tyrion and Shae (Sibel Kekilli) are one of Thrones most iconic, doomed couples. This is their first time together. Watch here.

No. 5 Seeds: The Ones You Definitely Forgot

Oberyn, Ellaria, & One Sex Worker in “Two Swords”
Season 4, episode 2
The first time we meet Oberyn and Ellaria, they’re picking out a sex worker at Littlefinger’s brothel. True to form, they only want the woman who is intensely turned on by the prospect of a threesome. Watch here.
Renly & Loras in “The Wolf & The Lion”
Season 1, episode 5
Prince Renly Baratheon (Gethin Anthony) and Loras Tyrell (Finn Jones) were one of Westeros’ sweetest couples. Even their first oral sex scene came with a ton of feels. And also scheming. A Tyrell is always scheming. Watch here.
Sam & Gilly in “The Gift”
Season 5, episode 7
Congrats on the sex, Samwell Tarly (John Bradley) and Gilly (Hannah Murray). Watch here.
Loras & Olyvar in “The Wars to Come”
Season 5, episode 1
Advertisement
The best thing about this sex scene isn’t the sex. It’s Loras’ sister Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer) casually walking in on the hookup to chastise her brother for holding up dinner. The nerve. Watch here.

No. 6 Seeds: The Sex Shrugs

Dany & Daario in “The Gift”
Season 5, episode 7
A romp between two people as beautiful as Dany and Daario Naharis (Michiel Huisman) should be undeniably sexy. Unfortunately Daario is too worried about his girlfriend’s engagement to really give this one his all. Watch here.
Dany & Daario in “Mockingbird”
Season 4, episode 7
If this were a bracket of Game Of Thrones butt scenes, this one — which features Daario’s infamous pants dropping moment — would be at the top of the list. But, that's not what this is. Watch here.
Theon & Ros in “The Wolf & The Lion”
Season 1, episode 5
Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen) and Ros once had very graphic sex in Winterfell. Strangely, he was far more interested in quizzing Ros about the size of Tyrion’s member than anything else in front of him. Watch here.
Ramsay & Myranda in “Kill The Boy”
Season 5, episode 5
This kinky, bloody hookup between Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) and Myranda (Charlotte Hope) isn’t so much a shrug as it is extremely uncomfortable. At least she seems into it. Watch here.

The No. 7 Seeds: The Cringe-y Ones

Advertisement
Osha & Theon in “The Old Gods & The New”
Season 2, episode 6
Osha (Natalia Tena) had to seduce Theon Greyjoy to escape Winterfell. Our hearts go out to her. Watch here.
Theon & Boat Girl in “The North Remembers”
Season 2, episode 1
Another notch on Theon’s belt. This time he did the deed with a ship captain's daughter he immediately forgot about. Watch here.
Margaery & Renly in “What Is Dead May Never Die”
Season 2, episode 3
Margaery and Renly, both individually sexy people, have to suffer through one of Thrones’ least sexy scenes. Let’s just say the queen’s baby making plans are derailed before they even begin. Watch now.
Viserys & Doreah in “Cripples, Bastards, & Broken Things”
Season 1, episode 4
Viserys Targaryen (Harry Lloyd) and Dany handmaiden Doreah (Roxanne McKee) took a bath together. It ends in disaster. Watch here.

No. 8 Seeds: The Nightmares

Theon & Yara in “The Night Lands”
Season 2, episode 2
Theon got his sister Yara Greyjoy (Gemma Whelan) off on the back of a horse. She knows their true connection. He doesn't. She seems into it. The only response is the Chrissy Teigen cry face. Watch here.
Margaery & Tommen in “High Sparrow”
Season 5, episode 3
Margaery and third husband Tommen Baratheon (Dean-Charles Chapman) have sweet pillow talk. But, no matter how eager Tommen is, it’s impossible to ignore how young the new king looks. Watch here.
Advertisement
Theon’s Doomed Threesome in “The Bear and the Maiden Fair”
Season 3, episode 7
A captive Theon thinks his torture has abated with a surprise threesome. Instead, once things really get going, his favorite body part is hacked off. Watch here.
Joffrey & Sadism in “Garden Of Bones”
Season 2, episode 4
As King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) becomes increasing more cruel, his uncle Tyrion sends two sex workers to his nephew's room. This is Tyrion's last desperate attempt to provide Joffrey with an appropriate release for his terrifyingly aggressive behavior. Instead, what starts out as a consenting sexual encounter for Ros and another woman becomes a bloody horror show. Watch here.

More from TV