Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 15, Episode 14: "Your Boyfriend's A F-ing Loser"

Photo Credit: Jerritt Clark / Contributor.
Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
Episode 14, "Vegas, Baby!" picks up (for the most part) a month or so after True Thompson's dramatic birth in Cleveland. Khloé Kardashian's been in Ohio since her delivery, but is headed back to California to see her family (and have Scott Disick meet her daughter for the first time!), despite the mounting tensions between Kim Kardashian and Tristan Thompson. To distract herself from spitting on Tristan or worse, Kim takes a few of her high school besties (she's really milking this high school reunion moment) to see Cher, and Kourtney heads to D.C. to prove that she can be passionate — about politics.
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Petty: Party Of 2
"I don't think you guys can co-exist." That's the Kim-Tristan prognosis in the first half of tonight's episode. It's been a few weeks since Kim (and Kourtney and Kris) faked nice in the delivery room for Khloé, and since then Kim's talked about the cheating allegations on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and blocked Tristan on Instagram (a move highly-documented by eagle-eyed fans). Khloé reveals that she and Tristan and working things about because True never asked for any of this drama, and she'll be damned if Sweet True doesn't grow up without a mother and father doting over her every move. But this means dealing with Kim's off-handed remarks about his disdain for her sister's boyfriend. Then, Kim finds out that Tristan blocked her on Instagram. It's so bad that after hanging up a phone call with Khloé, Kim screams into the phone, "Your boyfriend's a fucking loser!"
The two have not been in the same room together since Khloé gave birth to True. And from their previous conversations on the phone, Kim's stance on the matter remains clear. She wants nothing to do with him, and she wants her sister to want the same, that is until she realizes that Khloé isn't ever going to stop spending time with Tristan — instead, Kim is the one left out of plans. So, Kim turns to the family member with the most experience when it comes to the Kardashian dog house: Scott. She tells him that it feels "like Khloé is living a full double life," which leads Scott to tell his perspective on the matter: Drop it, because it will just pull the actual family apart instead of solving anything.
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Taking Scott's words to heart, Kim extends an olive branch in the form of a sports-related conversation to Tristan. After that, Tristan unblocks Kim on Insta (another highly-documented moment), and all is right in the world. The fam ends the episode by hanging out around the pool, jumping on a trampoline, and doing cart wheels in the backyard together. It looks like all is forgiven.
Viva Las Kim
For a brief moment, KUWTK goes back to 2003, when Kim has to convince Kendall Jenner that she was once "cool." She does this by telling her younger sister about the two times she took ecstasy. "I did ecstasy once, and I got married. I did ecstasy again, and I made a sex tape," she tells a shocked Kendall, and only mildly surprised Scott. She also recounts one wild night from when she "first started to travel" (were we ever so young?) when she wound up sleeping in the ocean with Paris Hilton on rafts after staying up all night at a foam party in Ibiza. "I still can do crazy things," Kim later says to the camera. "Kendall has no clue. I am not like that anymore, but I still have fun. Don't get it twisted."
Perhaps inspired by her trip down memory lane, Kim plans a Cher-centric getaway weekend with — who else — her Class of '98 besties. She take the gals (Amber, Simone, and a few others) to a VIP Cher experience in Las Vegas. She even leads the shot train, downing a few (baby) vodka shots before dressing up head-to-toe in a full Cher look. This over-the-top moment isn't just because Kim is fully obsessed with Cher, but it's also because Kim and the gals are going to meet The One And Only. Kim's dressed up as Cher a lot. You may have noticed. This is one of her favorite things to do. No, really: "My favorite thing in life is to recreate Cher looks. If I could dress up like Cher every day, it would make my life."
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So, after the show, surrounded by her all her old friends (they all used to dress up and go to concerts together in high school which makes this glamorous evening even more special) Kim gets to meet her ultimate idol. The two previously met once before at the Met Gala, and during their brief conversation they agree a trip to Armenia is overdue and in their new future. This is Kim's literal dream come true.
The best part of the interaction is that earlier on the private plane, Kim tells her friends that she thinks of Cher as a mother figure. "She is mom," she gushes. But, Cher had a different idea. "You're like my little sister," she tells Kim during their fourth round of hugs.
Actually, the best part of the whole evening was Cher's shirt, which no one commented on. Hello!
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Lobby We Go
Kourtney Kardashian said, Kim, hold my beer, and scooted up to D.C. to show that she is more than just the "least interesting face." Kourtney was invited by EWG, after being a religious user of their Healthy Living app, to go to Washington D.C. to lobby with them. This is Kourtney's answer to her "lack of passion." With only her glam squad in tow (and not revealing her big Legally Blonde 2 moment to her sisters), she heads to Washington to help get their clean beauty law more attention. (It did.)
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Her job is to tell her story and why she cares so deeply about EWG's proposed law — in front of more than 60 journalists and Senate members. She's terrified. Public speaking just happens to be one of her greatest fears, but she manages to swallow her nerves, throw on a sharp suit, and tell Congress that young women deserve to have clean beauty products. It goes really well, and Kourtney is so psyched to brag about her day to Khloé.
She's finally doing what her and her therapist talked about: She's using her voice in her own way, for something she's passionate about.
Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):
"It's ON!" — Kim"
Please don't tell me it's on." — Khloé
"One more shot? One more shot??" — Kim
"I'm curious to see if she is flattered, or if she thinks it's beyond desperate." — Kim
"The House of Representatives...is that what it's called?" — Kourtney
"Kim, you're so skinny you look like a bobble head. " — Kourtney
"I love when I look like a bobble head." — Khloé
"Thank you!!!" — Kim
"My top fell off!" — Kourtney
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