The Weeknd released his new six-song EP, Dear Melancholy, on Spotify on Thursday night, and BOY, do we have a lot to unpack. As the EP title suggests, Abel Tesfaye is feeling less like a Starboy and more like a Sulkboy, and fans think it has everything to do with his two ex-girlfriends, Bella Hadid and Selena Gomez. (Though, honestly, can anyone blame him? Those women are FIRE.)
Anyway, one of the most obviously emo songs is "Call Out My Name" which literally starts with these lines: "We found each other / I helped you out of a broken place / You gave me comfort / But falling for you was my mistake." But, that's not the worst of it.
"I said I didn't feel nothing baby, but I lied / I almost cut a piece of myself for your life / Guess I was just another pit stop / 'Til you made up your mind / You just wasted my time."
People are understandably losing their damn minds.
"I'm sorry I keep tweeting about The Weeknd's album, but I legitimately feel like Selena broke my heart too," one fan tweeted. Um, SAME.
OK, take a moment to recuperate. Do some deep breathing, call your mom, whatever, 'cause there is more.
Ready? Of course you aren't, but here we go anyway.
Next up we have a track titled, "Wasted Times," which seems to be all about how The Weeknd thought SelGo was nothing compared to Hadid. Brace yourselves; it's cold.
Here are the lines that open the track: "Wasted times I spent with someone else / She wasn't even half of you / Reminiscing how you felt." OUCH, man.
Then, he went on to sing about how much he misses her and that she's "been there from the beginning," unlike all of the other women who "only want you when you're in it." Is he implying that other women are gold diggers? And that's somehow less vulgar than what he says next.
"And right now I know that we're not talking / I hope you know this dick is still an option / 'Cause I'll beat it up / I'll take my time to learn the way your body functions / You are equestrian, so ride it like a champion."
Fans noticed, too.
OK, we could probably nitpick every song, but let's just agree that "Privilege" was also definitely about heartbreak.
"Enjoy your privileged life / 'Cause I'm not gonna hold you through the night / We said our last goodbyes / So, let's just try to end it with a smile." Oh, and he also said he was going to "be back to my old ways," which, unfortunately, implies more drinking.
When The Weeknd said “Enjoy your privilege life, cuz I’m not going to hold you through the night, we said our last goodbyes, so let’s try to end it with a smile” I felt that shit In many ways— écctoor⚡️ (@hectorjuarez_50) March 30, 2018
Whew, it's going to take a while to recover from this one.