Why The Sex Lives Of Harry Potter Characters Must Be So Complicated

J.K. Rowling doesn't skimp on detail. The Harry Potter author has created family trees just as dense as George R. R. Martin's (or pretty close). She's thought of Latin names for a swarm of spells. She's written entire appendices devoted to magical beasts and the history of Quidditch. She even continues to add addenda to her seven novels.
For a universe this rich, it's conspicuous that Rowling entirely glosses over one fundamental area of human interactions: Sex. The Harry Potter series take place in a boarding school full of young, virile witches and wizards. Aside from racking up house points and figuring out what shape your Patronus takes (mine's a St. Bernard), what else is there to do in Hogwarts' dimly lit hallways? They don't even have wifi.
Granted, the books are intended for a young audience. Still, magic must have fascinating implications when it comes to the world of sex and dating. Looking back on the Harry Potter series as an adult, those implications get pretty big. How can you ever trust someone, knowing they might be slipping love potion into your coffee?
Here are the questions I, as an adult whose days reading Harry Potter on summer vacation are long over, wondered while revisiting the series on Harry Potter's birthday.
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