You’ll Never Guess Where Bikini Models Are Putting Highlighter

Update: Acknowledging the existence of highlighter for your vulva and surrounding areas is one thing, but seeing it in action is a different story entirely. Models who walked the runway in their skivvies for the Scandinavian Chic fashion show at Miami Swim Week — hosted by The Perfect V founder and CEO Avonda Urben — had their bikini lines (yes, that would be the elusive “V”) enhanced by a generous application of the Very V Luminizer.

There is now photographic proof that their toned inner thighs and pelvic bones shimmered with the light of a thousand Norwegian midnight suns, so if you’re hoping to add some extra dazzle to your poolside beauty look this season, maybe highlighting your V isn’t such a crazy idea after all?

As you might have gleaned from the ongoing attempts to defund Planned Parenthood and the room full of old white men currently deciding the future of women’s health, the House of Representatives has an unhealthy preoccupation with the female reproductive system. In fact, Republican lawmakers would like nothing more than to control it — and take away its healthcare, too, while they’re at it. But if you thought organizing boring protests was the only way for the pussy to grab back, think again: With vagina highlighter launching stateside this summer, you’ll be able to show up on the White House lawn and blind the haters with the light from your shining vulva instead. Nice!

The Perfect V Shades of V Very V Luminizer comes to us from Scandinavia, a region internationally recognized for its superior gender equality. (Just look at the 2016 Global Gender Gap rankings for proof. Don’t bother scrolling down to see where the United States stands, it’ll only make you sad.) But what is the V, you ask? Without ever referring to the V by its true name, the luxury brand describes it as “that small triangle we wax, shave, laser, sugar, trim, dye even, and then leave until the next time.” So, probs the vulva.

The highlighter is the pièce de résistance, the finishing touch, the icing on the cake after you’ve dutifully completed the rest of the pH-balanced, specially formulated Perfect V skin-care ritual of cleanser, exfoliator, serum, and moisturizer. (There’s also a revitalizing “beauty mist,” to refresh and perfect the V whenever you see fit.) A lightweight cream with a pearly finish that’s more Glossier Moonstone than Shimmering Skin Perfector, the Very V Luminizer promises to brighten, soothe, hydrate, and condition the intimate area, while making it appear more “youthful” and “fresh.” (Because who the hell wants an old, stale vulva?)

Your first instinct might be to write off the luminizer as another manipulative cog in the industrial machine trying to convince you that the vagina is inherently ugly, but quite the contrary: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make your vulva even more beautiful in the same way you hope a skin-care routine will make your complexion more radiant. Forget the prudish "moral codes" Western culture has engrained in you — you can do whatever the fuck you want with your vagina, whether it’s dressing it up with highlighter or putting a sheet mask on it. Now, how long do we give Khloé Kardashian before she writes a blog post about it?