As Ivanka Trump takes on her new role as special assistant to the president, there have been some wishful thinkers who believe that means she will be a progressive champion in the White House.
As CBS' Gayle King put it during her interview with the first daughter, Trump and her husband Jared Kushner are expected to be a "moderating force in the White House." But Samantha Bee is not having any of that.
During last night's episode of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, the comedian/feminist queen tackled everything that's wrong with the role of "the new sheriff in town," as one CNN commenter put it. (To start off, that assertion is incorrect, because as Bee puts it, "sheriffs are elected to their jobs!")
But let's break it down, shall we? Back in December 2016, it was reported that Trump would champion a really important issue: The fight against climate change. Her commitment to the cause "took enviromentalists by surprise" because she even arranged for her father to meet Al Gore and, eh, met Leonardo DiCaprio twice?
"But what didn't take environmentalists by surprise was Trump appointing a climate change denier to run EPA right after that Al Gore blind date Ivanka set him up on," Bee said. "She's not going to convince her dad climate change isn't a Chinese hoax. Anyone with a dad knows they have invincible old-man-opinion strength. I can't change my dad's opinions on chemtrails for more than eight hours."
The only time the first daughter might have been successful in stopping the president from signing an executive order was when he intended to scrap some protections for the LGBTQ community.
"Although Trump may have just wandered out and forgotten to sign that EO, because, you know, it happens," Bee said. "So at most, Ivanka has stopped one out of 24 appalling executive orders. That's only one more than Tiffany has stopped."
However, this hasn't derailed progressives from believing Trump is Lady Galadriel.
"Stop it, Democrats!" Bee implored. "She's not a Wailing Wall for you to desperately stuff your prayer notes into. Look, I get it: People are comforted by the thought of a progressive feminist in the White House. To which I say: If you wanted that, you should have voted for it."
Policy-wise, Trump is said to be the mastermind behind her dad's maternity leave plan. But that didn't turn out to be so great: It not only excludes same-sex couples and dads from receiving any type of leave, but it would also almost exclusively benefit wealthy families.
However, Bee made an important point: The first daughter wasn't brought on for her amazing policies. She got a job in the White House because she's been a really successful businesswoman.
And out of all the deals Trump has negotiated, Bee zeroed in on a particular one: A Trump Tower in the country of Azerbaijan. The deal would have been amazing if not for two tiny details. According to an investigation by The New Yorker, that particular hotel never opened — and "it appears to be a corrupt operation engineered by oligarchs tied to Iran’s Revolutionary Guard." In case you didn't know, in February, the White House was considering designating the IRGC a terrorist organization.
In the end, Bee says that "Ivanka's new job is the same as her old job: Pushing her dad's dodgy agenda with a smile, which she was doing way back when Kellyanne was still dreamily pretending to lie to Jake Tapper in her bedroom mirror."
"I agree: Ivanka is the nicest, smartest, best-smelling Trump. But mainly, she's the loyal Trump," Bee concluded.