It's been almost a week since President Trump and the Republican leadership faced an embarrassing defeat when their proposed health care bill had to be withdrawn from consideration because it didn't have enough votes to pass in the U.S. House of Representatives.
While Democrats and supporters of the Affordable Care Act celebrated that Obamacare would live to see another day, "Trumpcare" joined the rest of the president's "graveyard" of failed ventures.
But instead of admitting the bill was maybe not that great, POTUS went on to praise it after the legislation was killed.
"I believe that's known as the 'I'm a grower, not a shower' defense," Bee joked. "Trump couldn’t sell Obamacare repeal to a House that voted for it 60 times already? Closing deals is the one thing president big boy truck was supposed to know how to do."
She also couldn't deal with how Trump blamed the failure on a lack of Democratic support, when it was actually sunk by his own party: 33 Republicans were expected to vote "no," which would have stopped the bill from getting the 216 votes it needed.
"Your bill was killed by friendly fire," Bee said. "One of the biggest obstacles to getting Trumpcare passed, aside from the fact that it was pure shit, was the House Freedom Caucus — 30 some odd ultra-conservatives Republicans with the power to block anything. Most notably, women and people of color."
She compared Trump's failure to seal the deal (even after offering the caucus Air Force One trips and lasagna!) to that awkward dude every woman has met in a bar at some point in their lives.
She said, "The charmer-in-chief struck out harder than the douchey guy in the bar who goes up to every girl in the room and asks, 'Are you model? Because you should totally model.'"
But hey, it's not POTUS' fault that the Freedom Caucus is used to blocking pretty much everything. Plus, in the end, Trump apparently "learned a lot" from the legislative process. So did House Speaker Paul Ryan, whose main takeaway was, "Doing big things is hard."
“It’s not their fault,” Bee said. “They spent 17 whole days trying to reform one-sixth of the nation’s economy. And they tried everything! Making the bill shorter, issuing empty threats, moving the bill to the right and just kinda crossing their fingers that moderates wouldn’t notice. They even made victory commercials before the bill even passed and forgot to not run them after it didn’t."
Cut to an awkward television ad that apparently ran by accident, in which constituents of Virginia Rep. Barbara Comstock are encouraged to thank the congresswoman for her part in successfully replacing the Affordable Care Act.
In the words of Bee, "Naiiiileeeed it!"