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“[Spooning brings] a little extra closeness,” Penda N'diaye, creator of PRO HOE, a brand and blog that aims to eradicate sexual stigma and debunk myths surrounding sexual pleasure and exploration in communities of color, previously told Refinery29.
Here are the basics: “While both lying on your side, have your partner enter you from behind while you slightly lift your leg,” N’diaye explained.
“It’s a great opportunity for G-spot or prostate stimulation and can be a calming, intimate position,” N’diaye added. That’s right: Spooning works great for both vaginal and anal sex, with either a penis or strap-on. You can also skip the penetration entirely and have the big spoon focus on the little spoon’s clitoris or penis from behind.
As with all sex positions, it's better to experiment than to try to copy an illustration, photo, or video exactly. Work on finding what feels right for you and your partner. Whether you've never tried to transition from cuddling to coitus, or you've attempted it unsuccessfully and given up, these suggestions will help you get started.
Take It Slow
Lube is great addition to every sex position, and spooning is no exception — and that goes double if you’re having anal sex. Lube will make penetration easier, minimize irritation and discomfort during any kind of sex, and reduce the risk of condom breakage. (Just skip oil-based lubes if you're using condoms, and avoid silicone-based lubes if you're using silicone-based sex toys.)
Let The Little Spoon Lead
Big spoons sometimes say that this position is difficult for thrusting, so instead, have the little spoon take the lead and either grind on or thrust backwards onto the penis or strap-on.
Adjust & Experiment
Move your legs, arms, and hips to find a position that feels comfortable. For example, the little spoon could hook their leg around their partner’s to increase stability, or the big spoon could move their leg up around their partner’s hip to change the angle of penetration. Similarly, adjusting the angle of your hips or the position of your torsos might make spooning more comfortable. Finally, if you’re having trouble getting started, a Redditor suggests beginning in reverse cowgirl, then rolling over into spooning.
Try A Variation
If spooning doesn’t feel comfortable, the little spoon can lift their leg up in a position that kama sutra calls Expanding (Vijrimbhitaka). Or try the kneeling spoon, in which you're on your knees instead of lying down.
In the ball and spoon, the little spoon lifts their knees up to their stomach, as if they’re curled up in a ball. And in spooning doggy, the little spoon leans way forward, so you’re mimicking doggy style, but lying on your sides.
Focus On The Little Spoon
If you’re having trouble getting into a good rhythm, or you're just not a fan of penetration, skip it. Instead, simply focus on the little spoon’s pleasure. The big spoon can kiss their neck, play with their nipples, and rub their clit (or finger them, or give them a hand job) from behind. The big spoon can also move one leg between the little spoon's legs, so the little spoon can grind on their thigh.
Often, a new sex position gets easier with time. A 2018 survey of 800 Americans and Europeans by the health and beauty retailer Superdrug found that many people will avoid trying a sex position after “an awkward sexual encounter.” In fact, 11% of respondents said they specifically skipped spooning after a less-than-spectacular first time. If you hate spooning, you absolutely don’t have to try it again. But if you’re still curious, odds are that you’ll enjoy it more and more as you practice.