What To Say If You Get Tongue-Tied During Phone Sex

Photographed by Michael Beckert.
You're all revved up and ready to have phone sex with your partner, and then the phone rings and all you can think of saying is, "I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toes, and I wanna move from the bed, down to the, down to the to the floor." Phone conversations are hard, particularly when you're supposed to sound sexy.
It's completely normal to get tongue-tied during phone sex, and you don't have to face-palm yourself if you feel this way, says Ashley Manta, a former phone sex operator and author of A Feminist's Guide To Phone Sex. "We are conditioned from an early age to experience pleasure quickly and silently, due to most of us growing up in households where masturbation required stealth and speed," Manta says. "Identifying and articulating our sexual needs is a learned skill, and one that takes practice."
And having a list of phrases to say before you start isn't dumb, it's brilliant, Manta says. "One of the ways phone sex is easier than in-person dirty talk is that it gives you the flexibility to have a cheat sheet in front of you in case you get stuck," she says. You can think of it as a Mad Libs exercise, but for sex. "Phone sex is an exercise in improv, self awareness, and communication," she says. "It can definitely feel awkward until you start to get the hang of it."
So, the next time you don't know what to say, try one of these tantalizing, roll-off-the-tongue phrases from Mantas' book and other phone sex operators in the business.
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Let me read you something...

Why it works: If you're truly at a loss for words, pull up a free erotic story on your computer and ask your partner if you can read it to them. This can be a smart way to warm up to have phone sex, because it helps you to get used to saying dirty things that you may not say on a daily basis.
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Have you ever done that before?

Why it works: Some of the best phone sex comes from a conversation where there's a real connection, according to an operator at PeachBooth, a phone sex website. And getting your partner to open up about themselves, or the origins of their fetish and sexual experiences relating to their fetish, is one way to do that, she says. Ask them to go into detail about a time when they fulfilled this fantasy, or describe how you would do it.
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Why it works: If you lose your train of thought, the best thing to do is talk about how hot your partner is making you feel, and then just let moaning fill the space, according to an operator at PeachBooth. "The easiest solution is to act like you're thoroughly enjoying yourself while you catch your thoughts," she says.
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What are you wearing?

Why it works: One common way to initiate phone sex is to just ask the person on the other line what they're wearing, because it's a simple but easily recognizable sign of sexual interest, according to an operator at PeachBooth, a phone sex website. "Initiating phone sex doesn't have to be super witty; you just need something that gets the point across," she says.
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Tell me what you want to do to me.

Why it works: The good thing about phone sex is that you always have a partner to help you along if you get lost. But, instead of just saying, "Okay, your turn," ask them to describe what they would want to do to you. It buys you a few seconds before you have to say something again, and will likely inspire your next topic.
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Feeling your finger inside me makes me soaking wet.

Why it works: If you're at a loss for words, simply name a body part, an action, and how it makes you feel. If that's too complicated, you can swap different parts or reactions in the phrase, "Feeling your _____ inside me makes me want to _____," Manta suggests.
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As soon as I walk into your room, I feel your hands pull down my pants.

Why it works: Role play doesn't have to involve some crazy fantastical plot line, and you can totally explore things as yourself, Manta says. Phrase scenarios in present-tense so it feels like it's actually happening in real time.
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I feel my cheeks flushing. My nipples are hard. I feel heat radiating from my legs. My body is craving your touch.

Why it works: If you do lose your train of thought, audibly take a deep breath or two, Manta says. While you're taking those two deep breaths, check in with your body and narrate something that's happening, she suggests.
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I hear you breathing rapid gasps as you feel the pleasure building.

Why it works: Although much of phone sex involves noises, you should try to describe all of your senses — including sounds — in great detail. Explain the sensations you're feeling, and your partner might be able to "feel" them, too, Manta says.
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I run my hands over my breasts, down my belly, and slip my right hand into my underwear.

Why it works: Talking about how you're masturbating is the easiest starting point for phone sex, according to Manta. And if you're at a loss for words, you could always just say nothing and let your partner listen to the natural sounds of you masturbating.
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I can see your muscles shake as I tease your asshole, which is begging to be fingered.

Why it works: Take your time, because the longer you have on the phone with your partner, the better phone sex will be. Teasing your partner by telling them that you're "hovering" above or around their genitals will enhance the mental stimulation even further, and make them even more turned on, Manta says.
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I'm going to bring you to the edge of orgasm until you're so overcome with need that you beg me to let you cum.

Why it works: If there's a kinky sex act that you're dying to try, but are too nervous, phone sex is the perfect time to play out those fantasies. You can bring power play into edging, for example, and bring someone to the brink of an orgasm, then slow down or stop, Manta says. You might also ask your partner to ask you for "permission" before they're "allowed" to orgasm, she says.
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Mmm, that was so good.

Why it works: Before you start, you and your partner should decide on a phrase or word that indicates that you're finished, Manta says. Choose something that won't break the scene, like "that was so good" or "that was it." To that same point, you should also discuss who's going to start, so you're not both giggling in silence waiting for someone to speak, she says.

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