You're all revved up and ready to have phone sex with your partner, and then the phone rings and all you can think of saying is, "I wanna li-li-li-lick you from your head to your toes, and I wanna move from the bed, down to the, down to the to the floor." Phone conversations are hard, particularly when you're supposed to sound sexy.
It's completely normal to get tongue-tied during phone sex, and you don't have to face-palm yourself if you feel this way, says Ashley Manta, a former phone sex operator and author of A Feminist's Guide To Phone Sex. "We are conditioned from an early age to experience pleasure quickly and silently, due to most of us growing up in households where masturbation required stealth and speed," Manta says. "Identifying and articulating our sexual needs is a learned skill, and one that takes practice."
And having a list of phrases to say before you start isn't dumb, it's brilliant, Manta says. "One of the ways phone sex is easier than in-person dirty talk is that it gives you the flexibility to have a cheat sheet in front of you in case you get stuck," she says. You can think of it as a Mad Libs exercise, but for sex. "Phone sex is an exercise in improv, self awareness, and communication," she says. "It can definitely feel awkward until you start to get the hang of it."