A Guide To Watching All The Sex On The Crown Season 2

Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Warning: This post contains spoilers for The Crown, Season 2.
There's a rumor going around that The Crown is not a sexy show. This is, obviously, egregiously false, and I'm here to set the record straight. Remember that naked butt shot of Prince Philip (Matt Smith) from the pilot episode? Or that blow job scene from episode 7?
Okay, okay — I will acknowledge that most of the sex on the show is implied, not shown. But that's because we're dealing with real people here! And not just people — royals! And say what you want, but Prince Philip telling his wife, the Queen (Claire Foy), to "get on your knees," goes beyond subtle innuendo.
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But even if you thought season 1 didn't go far enough in showing the intimate moments between royals, I've got great news. Season 2 brings us some new titillating moments, and at least one fantastic sex scene. After all, the queen has four children, and gets pregnant twice in this season alone, so...just sayin'.
Because there are 10 hour-long episodes, and I know you lead busy lives and can't be expected to drop everything and binge through an entire show just to enjoy one brief fleeting moment of lust, I have provided a blueprint to help you access the sex on The Crown as quickly as possible. Please enjoy responsibly.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Episode 1 (00:10:30): Philip & Elizabeth

Prince Philip is about to leave for his five-month tour of the Commonwealth, and the royal couple has been feeling rather frisky. There's even some foreplay when, before entering a state dinner, Philip has the entire court turn around so he can fix the zipper on his wife's dress before dropping a very sexy kiss on her neck.

The next morning, the couple wake up in the same bed (they each have their own bedroom, because royalty), and Elizabeth appears to be naked under the sheets. Phillip, on the other hand, is doing some from of exercise in front of the bed (that's not a sexual metaphor, he's literally working out). When he says he still has "20 more star jumps to do," the queen magnanimously invites him to do them in her bed.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Episode 4 (00:37:15) : The Portrait

Okay, in all honesty this isn't a sex scene, but it's way too sexy not to include. After meeting dashing photographer Antony Armstrong-Jones (Matthew Goode) at a party, Princess Margaret (Vanessa Kirby) decides to pay him a visit in his London studio, which doubles as his apartment. After making her stew in her chair until she's well and truly frustrating, he starts snapping pictures of her, stopping only to lower her neckline until she appears nearly naked in the photograph.

"Don't smile," he tells her. "It's lovely, but don't." He wants her to be herself. As he pushes the tripod closer and closer to his subject, Armstrong-Jones as he asks her more and more personal questions, stripping away the layers of royalty until Margaret is practically naked before him. Eventually, he gets the shot her wants — and a troubled romance is born.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Episode 6 (00:56:26): Philip & Elizabeth

This episode is a big one for Elizabeth, who makes a new friend in American Evangelist icon Reverend Billy Graham, and definitely dispels any ambitions her devious uncle, the Duke of Windsor, may have had of returning to the United Kingdom in any official capacity in light of the revelations about his former Nazi ties.

By the end of what appears to be a long week, the queen is praying before bed (as she does every night), when Prince Philip comes in drunk and ready to flirt. He's proud of the way she dealt with a difficult situation, and tells her so. "It's a gold star from Jesus, and a gold star from me," he says before climbing into her bed. It's one of the more goofy, fun scenes on a show that tends towards the serious, and coincidentally, we find out Elizabeth is pregnant in the very next episode. (Has sex once...)
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Episode 7 (00:11:35) : Tony & Jacqui Chan

Turns out Tony gets sexy with everyone who poses for him. After Margaret storms out of his exhibit, and a particularly stiff lunch with his mother, the photographer is seen engaging in what is probably the most explicit and steamy sex scene on the show so far, with a dancer who is NOT Margaret. Don't watch this one at work, folks.
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Photo: Courtesy of Netflix.
Episode 7 (00:13:26) Tony & The Frys

Strap yourselves in because Tony gets busy in this episode! Moments after his first sexual conquest, we find him in bed with not one, but two people — his friends, Mr. and Mrs. Fry. He tells them that he's planning on proposing to Margaret even though he once said that she had "thick ankles and the face of a Jewish manicurist," which rude. Tony, it seems, isn't a great guy at all. And yet, he's charming? I blame Matthew Goode's looks. (Ha.)
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Episode 7 (00:16:05) : Tony & Margaret

What says "I'm sorry" better than a man revving up a motorcycle outside your door? Apparently this works on Margaret, who ditches her escort and jumps on. The two end up back at Tony's studio/apartment, where they have angry make-up sex (not implied), capped off with an engagement ring the size of Buckingham Palace.

Now, tell me again that there's no sex on The Crown. That's what I thought.
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