I Have So Many Questions After Seeing Beauty And The Beast

Photo: Courtesy of Disney.
Less than a week after its release, Beauty and the Beast has already crushed box office records. The live action reboot of the Disney animated classic has swept viewers off their feet, myself included. As a 27-year-old with nothing but fond memories of the original, I went to the theater on a rainy Saturday night with high hopes, which, for the most part, were met. Belle's yellow ballgown is still gorgeous, the Beast is still sexy, and and the Lumiere/Cogsworth banter is still pretty delightful. (Spoiler: the new songs are great, but you knew that going in.)
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The film also took some liberties with the plot in an effort to close some of the narrative holes. We now know what happened to Belle's mother (she died of plague), why the villagers conveniently never noticed that their feudal leader had suddenly stopped taxing them (the curse made them forget), and (kind of?) how Gaston makes a living when he's not out harassing women (he's a captain in the army newly returned from war).
But still, I have questions. And I need answers.
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1 of 9
If the Beast remembers his Shakespeare, then how does he not remember how to eat soup? Did his expensive education not extend to table manners?
2 of 9
Who is that village woman who desperately wants to bone Cogsworth at the end of the movie? And why does he hate her? (And if we're on the subject of lost loves, what was that look Mrs. Potts gave Maurice during the ball? Didn't she JUST reunite with her husband?)
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3 of 9
If Belle brings home the rose rattle that her mother kissed while dying of the plague, does that mean she's also brought the disease back with her?

Introducing the sequel, Beauty and the Beast 2: Everyone Dies of Plague.
4 of 9
If Cadenza is missing teeth after using his piano keys to fight off the villagers, then why doesn't Chip have a chip in his head?
5 of 9
How do the castle-people get food? Can they grow stuff in the wasteland? Is there a nearby farmer's market that provides delivery services? Do they have drones in this version of 18th century France?
6 of 9
Who has ruled the kingdom in Beast's absence? And now that he's back, will there be some kind of power struggle?
7 of 9
If the Enchantress really wants to teach Beast a lesson, why would someone have to love him back in order to break the curse? Isn't the point to teach him that love on its own is enough? If there's a reward at the end, doesn't that defeat the purpose?
8 of 9
How did the mob know how to find the castle? The enchanted mirror proves it exists, but it's not exactly a map.
9 of 9
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