This story was originally published on January 4, 2016.
Once upon a time, I was dating a guy who blamed everything on coffee. Not caffeine, mind you, just coffee. Feeling tired? That’s because of coffee. Not thinking straight? Coffee! Didn’t sleep well? You guessed it — coffee. Ugh. This went on and on, and frankly I found it profoundly irritating (like, really profoundly and deeply irritating). It wasn’t so much that his points were wrong (though sometimes they were, which was even more irritating), it’s that I LOVE coffee. And, yes, I am the first to admit that I am addicted to it. But at one point, his relentless commentary pissed me off so much that I vowed to give up coffee for one month just to prove him wrong.
That is the first and last time I will ever do that. It’s not because I experienced withdrawal symptoms like raging headaches or extreme crankiness (I allowed myself green tea and matcha). It was more a simple pleasure of life issue. Ah, perfect. Paul Simon’s "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" just started playing, so I am calling this “The 30 Reasons I’ll Never Quit My Lover (Coffee) Again.”