How To Fulfill All Your Sex Fantasies — With Just One Person

Whether you fantasize about getting a good spanking from your college professor, being taken advantage of by your doctor, or participating in a gang bang, there is a way to fulfill all of your sexual desires without cheating on your partner: trying your hand at role-playing.

Through sexual role-playing, you can step outside of yourself, get into character, and act out your deepest, darkest fantasies. It can be a safe way to explore taboo and potentially dangerous scenarios you'd never actually want to happen in "real" life. And if that sounds a little intimidating, don't worry: There's a decent chance you're already incorporating role-playing into your sex life without even realizing it. Role-playing doesn't have to involve elaborate props and costumes (although it can!); it can be as simple as using dirty talk to change your usual dynamic with your partner.

Not to mention, role-playing in and of itself can lower inhibitions. Simply dressing up and getting started can make you feel more turned on and relaxed. And trust me: As someone who loves role-playing but can't act to save my life, I want everyone to know that you don't have to put on an Oscar-worthy performance to get into character and have a super hot role-playing session. (On that note, you also don't have to stick with traditional role-playing scenes, like school girl or handy man. Try to think about your own desires, and don't be afraid to ask for what you want — Harry Potter role-play, anyone?)

Intrigued but not sure where to start? Read on for a beginner's guide to sexual role-playing.

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Illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Explore your fantasies.

First and foremost, think about what turns you on — especially the times when you thought, "This shouldn't turn me on," because role-playing is all about creating a safe space with a consensual partner to act out otherwise taboo fantasies.

I'll share first: I enjoy gyno porn, and the idea of my partner wearing latex gloves to finger me turns me on. Perhaps you had a crush on a babysitter as a child, or maybe a teacher. In role-playing, you're just pretending, and it's all consensual, so it's okay to explore things that would be horrible and scary in real life, like incest fantasies or even rape fantasies.

Spend some time with yourself — watch porn, read erotica, or masturbate — and explore your desires.
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Illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Discuss with your partner.

After you've figured out which role-play scenarios you'd like to try, discuss them with your partner. If this sounds scary, don't stress: There are many helpful strategies to talking about kinks. People tend to feel more willing to share their secrets after you've told them yours, so offer to go first. Then, ask your partner which role-playing scenarios they'd like to try.

(If you think they might not have ideas ready to go, it might be best to give them a heads up that this is something you'd like to discuss. That way, they'll have a chance to explore their own desires without feeling put on the spot.)

If you're very lucky, you and your partner will be 100% role-play compatible, and you will find out that you fantasize about the exact same scenarios. If not, that just means you get to try out fantasies you'd never even considered (as long as you're comfortable with them). Maybe your partner will agree to play photographer and take racy photos of you, and, in exchange, you'll agree to pretend to be a character in Pokémon. The possibilities are endless, and you won't know until you have a shame-free discussion about them with your partner.
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Illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Go shopping.

While role-playing can certainly be done through imagination and dirty talk alone, to help get into character and fully experience your fantasy, why not go big?

Where you go shopping and what you buy depends on which scenario you've landed on. You can hit up your local costume store or sex shop for more common roles (think: French maid). And if you'd like to be discreet, you can order basically any costume or accessory online. You can also find props at mainstream stores and the cashier will be none the wiser (CVS sells latex gloves, thermometers, and stethoscopes for those who share my doctor/patient fantasy).

When you're ready to take it to the next level, you can check out online fetish supply shops. But I suggest starting small and working your way up to kinkier props.
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Illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Get into character.

Now that you've got your costume and your props, take some time to get into character and in the mood. This is especially important if you're planning on surprising your partner with a night of role-playing (after discussing interests and boundaries, of course).

One time, when my partner and I had agreed on acting out a school girl role-playing scene, I was strutting around my apartment by myself, admiring my outfit (an old Abercrombie & Fitch skirt) and listening to Britney Spears. By the time my partner got home, all of the solo time posing and dancing had worked out any pre-role-play nerves, and I was ready to go.

If you're using toys, like a strap-on or whip, it's always a good idea to spend some time alone with them first to become familiar with what they can do. With a whip, you can test it on yourself to learn your pain threshold. If you're wearing a strap-on for your scene, make sure to try it on and make sure it fits properly before using it with a partner.
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Illustrated by Paola Delucca.
Act it out and get it on.

The moment has arrived: It's time to bring all your fantasies to life.

Go easy on yourself (and your likely nervous partner) the first time you role-play. Allow yourself to feel silly in your costume. Expect to fall out of character, say the wrong thing, get embarrassed, and laugh a lot. I've been called out (lovingly) on my clumsiness and lack of coordination while trying to strut sexily as part of a role-playing scene. Remember: You're in a safe space with a partner you trust — you're not on stage on Broadway. You get do-overs.

At the end of the day, role-playing is about embracing your fantasies, realizing that there's a safe and consensual way to act on them, and most importantly, allowing yourself to have fun.

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