11 Chilling Horror Stories From The Dating Depths Of Los Angeles

Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
We all know that looking for love can be a perilous mission — especially in a city like Los Angeles. Yet, the excitement that comes when you meet someone who might be worthy of your time (and Netflix password!) can be fleeting. After all, in this town, most people need a walk-in closet to fit all of their dating skeletons — and even then, you hear tales that are almost too crazy to believe. From cheating musicians to drug-dealing artists, the stories in this slideshow prove we've all dated the wrong weirdo one too many times. Yes, the road to love is paved with dating disasters that could make any hopeless romantic’s skin crawl — but at least you're not walking it all by yourself.
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The Red Power Ranger
"I dated a guy for nine months who would lie to people about being a stunt person in TV and movies. He’d constantly claim he was a stunt guy for The Power Rangers TV show, and had me take fake headshots of him in a red Power Ranger uniform. He even went as far as updating his IMDB page to reflect fake credits. He also drove a convertible that had the license plate STUNT2C, despite the fact that he was not actually a stunt guy. He lived in a really shitty, tiny apartment in an L.A. suburb, despite 'all the money he made' (or so he said).

"In reality, he did not work on TV, but as the craft service guy on a few shows, sporadically. He had all these issues — like, when we would fight, he would give me the silent treatment and then say stuff like, 'I will only be happy if you get a boob job.' He took me to Hawaii for a trip that lasted only two nights, because he wanted to come back and tell his friends we went to Hawaii. It wasn't for actual enjoyment that he did this; he did it to be able to brag about it.

"He also booked the trip without telling me, and we had a fight about it because it was really inconsiderate of him to assume I could get the time off of work. After all, I actually did have a job I went to every day. I learned a lot in this relationship, and after we broke up, I met a wonderful guy who couldn't be more different than that idiot. I really had to get shown the worst to find a gem."

-Anne, 30
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The Potty Break
"About two months into dating my then-boyfriend, all the little red flags I had started to notice began to turn into huge, glaring stop signs. He knew that shit between us wasn’t going well, too, and decided to plan an out-of-town getaway for my birthday. 'No matter what happens, this will be good for us,' he assured me. He had always been trying to push his S&M shit on me, which I was sort of into, but not on the level he was.

"Once we got to the hotel, he gave me a cheap-looking, vinyl nurse costume and some insane metal contraption. At first, I thought it was an antique medical device, but it turned out to be something very different. It was constructed to hold a person’s mouth open so the other person could pee in it. I said I was NOT doing that. He replied, 'You could pee in mine, or whatever!' I was freaking out inside. When I said, 'Really, you shouldn’t have,' he didn’t detect the sarcasm in my voice. He replied, 'Don’t worry, my friends work at a sex shop, so I got everything at a discount.'

"Then, I opened up a duffel bag he brought, and it was filled with sex toys — his own, not new ones that he bought for me. They were used. I was grossed out, and was clearly not going to be having sex with this guy ever again, and just wanted to get the hell out of there. My stomach was churning, and I told him I was too sick to have sex."

-Rosaline, 30
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Mystery Theater
"My friend and I go to a show, where we meet a famous comedian. He’s pretty nice and ends up buying us drinks. A few days later, he finds me online and asks me out. We meet at this venue and have a good time, and shortly after that, he invites me over to his place for a drink. I get to his house, and he looks really out of it: His eyes are bloodshot, and he’s extremely talkative, maybe even manic. He makes me watch Dune and starts doing Mystery Science Theater 3000-style commentary, which isn’t at all funny. Then, he starts rapping and wants me to meet 'Kevin,' his ventriloquist dummy. He can’t find 'Kevin' and starts freaking out. Then he starts crying, saying he misses his parents and his ex-wife, who is a well-known actress. Finally, he passes out, so I call for an Uber. I go outside, and I realize I’m locked in...I can’t figure out how to open the gate! The Uber driver sees me freaking out and says to just climb over the fence and he would catch me. I ended up doing just that, in high heels and all."

-Sasha, 29
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Man Boobs
"I was seeing this guy for about a month when he started to reveal his insecurities. He’d cry about having 'man boobs' and wanted liposuction, but couldn’t because he had a blood-clotting disorder. One day, I stopped hearing from him. He totally disappeared. I found out later that he racked up $100,000 in credit card bills and couldn't pay for his portion of dates anymore. I was surprised, because he lived in the most beautiful house in Laurel Canyon, but it ended up not even belonging to him... He was living this fake-baller lifestyle, and when he didn’t have any more cards to use, he left to go back home to Florida to live with his parents, man boobs and all."

-Becca, 27
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The Cemetery Surprise
"This guy wrote me on OkCupid, and he seemed like he was really cool. We made plans to go to a cemetery movie screening at Hollywood Forever, with him coming to my apartment first. He gets to my place, and he looks like a totally wrecked version of the photos he had on his profile. I’m still nice and offer him a drink. I have never seen someone pour this much alcohol in my entire life. He’s basically pouring an entire cup full of vodka. I’m already preparing myself for a nightmarish evening. My friend picks us up in his Mercedes, and the dude acts like he’s never seen a fancy car before. He says to my friend, 'Well, well, well. Aren’t you Mr. Monopoly?' I’m horrified.

"We get to the cemetery, and he says he forgot his wallet, so now I have to pay for both of us. As we’re getting situated to watch the movie, I hear him telling some other people that he just got out of jail and served a 10-year sentence for dealing coke. Then he starts telling me stories from prison. That’s when I realize that the photos on his profile were probably from before he got locked up! The next week, he calls me multiple times complaining about his living situation. He was trying to convince me to let him move in!"

-Nina, 25
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Microwave Money
"I was dating this guy for a few months who worked in real estate. One day, he told me he was really busy with work, and all of his bills were going to be late because he was out of checks and all he had was cash. Of course, I offered to take the cash and mail in his bills with checks from my account, thinking it was just a simple favor for my over-worked, sort-of boyfriend. Then, it happened again the next month. Again, I thought nothing of it. One night, we were watching a movie at his house, and I went into the kitchen to make some popcorn. When I opened the microwave, I found stacks and stacks of hundred-dollar bills. Like, thousands of dollars! I called out that I had found something funny in the kitchen...he immediately rushed in and asked me to step back into the bedroom for a few minutes.

"A few weeks later, I woke up at his house to the sound of a dude in his kitchen. I walked in, and they were sitting there with a huge, black bag. Of course, I soon realized that the real estate job was just a cover, and he was a drug dealer who had been laundering money through me to pay his bills. After I dumped him, he begged me to let him take me on a vacation to make up for it. I did, because I was young and stupid, and he ended up trying to film us having sex in the hotel room — without telling me! I was furious and never spoke to him again after we got back to L.A."

-Jamie, 30
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
Leah, Musician, Barcelona
"I had just started dating this older musician when he asked me to move overseas to live with him. I was young and looking for adventure, so I did. We were together for about a year when he started complaining that his lead singer didn’t want to work on anything new. Wanting to help, I introduced him to one of my girlfriends, who was a vocalist. They started sleeping with each other behind my back, he ended up leaving me, and they got engaged. And get this: She was already engaged to someone else! Later on, I found out that she didn’t even change her wedding day — she kept the original date she had planned to marry the other guy. I always wondered if she used the same dress she planned to wear in the original wedding."

-Leah, 32
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
A 10-Minute Push-up
"I was seeing this guy who I wasn’t really that into. We probably went on four or five dates when he said, 'When are we going to sleep together?' Like it had been years or something. I said I didn’t know, maybe in a few weeks. He freaked out and acted like I was some weirdo. He was completely rude and offensive. For whatever sad reason, I kept seeing him. Then, we slept together. It was terrible, because he was so nervous. Maybe three minutes in, he let out this long, loud groan and flopped over next to me. He then said, 'God. Holding myself up is like doing a 10-minute push-up!' and complained about having sex with me. So, we stopped having sex. The next time we had sex (because I'm a masochist), we were about three minutes in again and he literally jumped off of me and said that I was making faces, and they were really freaking him out. I broke up with him right then. Basically, the fucker was going to orgasm fast, so at the three-minute mark he’d try to cover it up by freaking out and being mean to me. I still hate him to this day."

-Megan, 25
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The Hand-Washer
"I had been on a couple of dates with this girl. Once, when we were riding in her car, I touched some air-freshener thing that was shaped like a bear. 'You’re going to have to wash your hands now,' she quickly said, and handed me a small bottle of hand sanitizer. I thought it was a bit OCD but didn’t think too much of it until we went into the restaurant and she went to excuse herself to wash her hands. Then, when our food came, she pulled out antibacterial wipes and wiped her hands. When we left, I made a comment about her obsessive cleansing habit. 'You should see my trunk,' she said. Sure enough, when she opened her car trunk, there was a Costco supply of antibacterial soaps, liquids, and wipes in there. It was like she was preparing for the germ apocalypse. After that, she was completely adamant about my hands being clean any time I was near her... I broke it off soon after."

-Steve, 26
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The Facebook Reveal
"We met at a bar in Hollywood. He wasn’t on any social media, so we exchanged numbers. Afterwards, we both ended up at the same diner and were texting each other from different booths. It was really exciting, and when I got up to go to the bathroom, he did too — and we ended up making out in the hallway. Then, he spent the night. After that, we both were going on vacation, but still kept in touch. Then, he stopped responding to texts. Finally, he came clean: He said he was in a weird living situation because he was still living with his ex-girlfriend. I told him I understood, and rental agreements are tough to get out of. We began to see each other, and he told me he was finally moving out of the apartment. One day, he said he moved into a new place, but we’d still spend every night at my place because he said his roommate was always up late at night, and it was just better at my place since we’d have more privacy. At some point, I randomly saw pictures...on Facebook that his 'ex' had posted of the two of them. It turns out that he had still been seeing her while he was seeing me. Now I understood why he wouldn’t ever invite me over."

-Rachel, 23
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Illustrated by Anna Sudit.
The "Artist"
"I had started dating this guy who was an artist. One night, I went into his kitchen to get a glass of water. I opened up the cabinet, where I assumed glasses would be, and saw hundreds of prescription bottles of Oxycontin. I opened up another cabinet, and there were even more bottles! I confronted him and asked if he was really an artist. He nonchalantly replied, 'Of course I am, but I’m also a drug dealer. How else do you think I pay my bills?' Apparently, one of his friends would get prescriptions from a shady doctor and hook him up."

-Madison, 24
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