Tonight on the show that airs between commercials for Stumptown, we got a rekindled relationship, a rose ceremony, Mike Johnson's final Bachelor audition, a big old cliffhanger, and so much more. Bachelor in Paradise episode 10 — let's go!
We begin with the aftermath of Derek Peth's departure. While Derek called the entire cast over to let them know he was leaving, Blake Horstmann somehow missed this. "What? Why did he leave?" Blake Horstmann asks Demi Burnett and Kristian Haggerty, and they have to explain the entire thing because Blake was away... planning next year's Stagecoach trip?
We also check in with John Paul Jones, who had been feuding with Derek, and he's getting advice from Chris Bukowski. Honestly, this part is only important because Chris' ever-changing chyron now reads "Not Gerard Butler" where it would normally say what shows he's been on. Well played, BiP. This is only the first of a few more creative moments the show went for Tuesday night.
We also get a little update about Chris and Katie Morton. "I would love to spend the night with you and take our relationship to the next level," Chris tells her. They both laugh, and it seems like they're both in on the fact that it was very Bachelor lingo-y. Later on, he also asks her to be his girlfriend. These two are cute. I'm rootin' for 'em!
Last night I wished that we wouldn't have to hear about Tayshia and JPJ anymore, but they have another conversation in which Tayshia finally says that she didn't need him to stand up for her against Derek. (For the millionth time, Derek didn't do anything, anyway.) They agree to just chill out and get to know each other. He's still super into her; she's intrigued by him but can't see it being long term. Then JPJ runs down to the ocean, catches a large fish with his bare hands, and tells Tayshia to kiss it, perfectly demonstrating why she feels the way she does about him.
Next, we get back to the Clay Harbor/Nicole Lopez-Alvar/Angela Amezcua triangle. Chase McNary from JoJo Fletcher's Bachelorette season arrives on the beach and immediately asks Angela out with his date card. This sends Clay spiraling, because he doesn't want to watch his ex date other people. On Chase and Angela's date, they talk about Clay, while Clay talks to anyone who will listen about not wanting to be in Paradise with Angela, who, in case Clay forgot to remind you, is his ex.
In other news we have been beat over the head with, it's time for the Blake Horstmann portion of the night. He's sad because he just wants to find someone who is "gorgeous and funny and smart and sexy." If only he hadn't screwed everything up for himself! "Oh my god, she’s right there. Kristina. She’s been right there the whole time," Blake says. The editors add a little glowing picture of Kristina smiling in the corner of the screen while Blake talks.
So, Blake goes to chat with Kristina and tell him about his revelation. Immediately, she starts giving him a hard time, as is her way. "I've been thinking a lot about you," he says. "Why?" she responds. "We've never been all in on each other," he says. "This is weird," she responds. Kristina then says they need to talk about it the next day to make sure he still feels the same way by then. Put him in his place, Kristina!
Next up is the cocktail party and rose ceremony. We get about ten minutes dedicated to Old Matt Donald still being afraid to kiss Sydney Lotuaco. He gets advice from everyone, including Chris Harrison. Hannah Godwin tells him that when she and Dylan Barbour first kissed, "I said, 'Is your sinus infection contagious?' and he said, 'Wanna see?'" Honestly, this makes me like those two more.
Eventually, and after Sydney says, "Know that you have permission to [kiss me] whenever you would like," he does it. Lions roar! Rockets take off into space! Crowds cheer! A quarterback catches a Hail Mary pass! Seriously, BiP shows a montage of all of these things.
Also before the rose ceremony, Clay and Angela have a talk that ends with them agreeing to just do their own thing. But, they also go off on a tangent that makes it clear they were a very real couple. There's talk about how he would "go to the gym for four hours!" It's too much. Hopefully this situation is handled now.
The rose ceremony goes as follows: Nicole and Clay, Kristian and Demi, Hannah and Dylan, Katie and Chris, Haley Ferguson and Luke Stone, Caelynn Miller-Keyes and Connor Saeli, Sydney and Matt, Tayshia and John (yeah, she just calls him "John"), and Kristina and Blake. "I know we've given each other friendship roses in the past," Kristina says, "but starting tonight, I think I'd like our friendship to take a step forward and see where we can go from here." Here we go again.
With this, Mike Johnson is the only man sent home. He's long been in the running for the Bachelor role, and he gets in one last solid line in the ride away from Paradise. "People continue to tell me how great I am," he says, "yet still I'm in this car by myself." Aww, Mike.
The previous night Blake might have been suddenly talking about the life he's going to have with Kristina (slow the eff down, dude), but the next day threatens to change everything. Bri Barnes, the woman with the fake Australian accent on Colton Underwood's season, arrives on the beach. Apparently, she hit it off with Blake at Krystal Nielson and Chris Randone's wedding, so she calls him over to talk. Thankfully, Blake turns down a date with her. Kristina is relieved, but her walls aren't going to come down right away.
I also need to note here that Bri was at Stagecoach! Somehow this went unmentioned on the episode, which is totally unacceptable.
Bri decides to take Matt Donald on the date instead, and — would you look at that — he's no longer scared to kiss people. After noting that he can't believe he's on a beach with a supermodel (Bri's literally a model, not a "model"), they start making out. Thank god he was able to overcome his affliction!
This scene is creatively interspersed with Blake talking about how he's glad he didn't go on the date because now "I'm going to bring all the romance to Kristina." We then get a clip of him telling her a story about his dad sleepwalking in his underwear. The editors were really on top of their game this episode.
Lastly, we finally get the return of Dean Unglert. Caelynn and Connor are both talking to their respective buddies about how they're going to go to the "boom boom room" tonight — I'm glad we finally have a name for it — and suddenly, we see Dean getting dressed in an all black outfit and shaving off his mustache complete with close-up shots of hairs landing on the sink. This is supposed to be escapism! No one needs to see that!
Dean pulls Caelynn aside, and she denies him when he reaches out to hold her hand. Their conversation, to no one's surprise, is about Dean trying to get her back. He flew back to the U.S., drove to the Grand Canyon, and realized that he wanted her there with him. For he is Dean and this is the sort of thing he does. He also realized he couldn't wait for her to just come back from Paradise because "that's a long ass time."
Caelynn tells Dean that she's been hanging out with Connor and that things are "easy" with him. "Who the fuck wants easy?" is Dean's response, which would be fine, I guess, except that when he broke up with her, he basically told her to meet a guy she could have an easy relationship with.
Meanwhile, Connor is back with the rest of the cast and talking about how he's not threatened. Kristina, who once dated Dean herself, says, "Have you met Dean?" And when Connor says no, she just starts laughing. Dean is a threat, Connor. Sorry to break it to you.
Dean goes on to tell Caelynn, "I need to stop running away from the good things in my life." And then he completes that sentence we were teased with in last night's trailer: "I came here to ask you if you would leave Paradise with me today."
Of course, this is the cliffhanger for this week. How could it not be? Next week, we get the final two episodes, and it looks like a few couples get engaged. And, naturally, a few people are left crying on the beach.
Engagement Predictions: Nicole and Clay, Katie and Chris, Dylan and Hannah
Could Actually Stay Together In The Long-Run Prediction: Katie and Chris
No Way, No How, Ain't Happening: Kristina and Blake