If there's anything that watching Jennifer Garner's speech at Denison University's commencement ceremony taught me, it's that we should have been going to her for advice this entire time.
In addition to being a television super spy and a romantic comedy queen, Garner is a graduate of Denison's 1994 class, and, as bestowed upon her during the commencement ceremony, the recipient of an honoree doctorate degree of the university. This is why she was asked with giving some crucial post-graduation tips to the 2019 class. However, unlike some commencement speeches which provide students with wishy-washy advice wrapped up in oodles of metaphors, Garner got real about what these students need to know.
"When it comes to Halloween costumes, go funny over sexy," Garner declares on the Denison University stage. "Why would you dress like a flirty nurse, when you could be a mailbox?"
She also gave important skincare advice, which she's dished out before as a spokesperson for Neutrogena.
"Nothing looks better in your 50s, than sunscreen in yours 20s," she says, and may as well be directing specifically to me. (Sorry Jen! I'll be better!)
"Mixed signals are not mixed signals, they're a no," she adds.
She also has some hiking advice which may or may not be a metaphor.
"Don't walk down the Grand Canyon to see what it looks like from the bottom," she states, likely derailing many a college student's post-grad road trip plans.
Fans loved Garner's tips.
"Holy Neptune the mixed signals thing," wrote one fan in the Instagram comments. "You’re so right and what perfect timing."
"Best commencement speaker I could ask for!! Thanks for coming back to the hill," wrote one Denison student.
"#teammailbox," added another.
Practical hot tips aside, Garner also took the time to remind the students of the ups and downs of life outside of university.
"Chances are, if you're lucky, life will be 65% happy. That's a big win. That's a fresh on Rotten Tomatoes," Garner says. "At a certain point you'll find there is no finish line to cross, no moment where you're just supposed to be happy. While you wait for those moments, the MCAT score, the perfect job, the engagement ring, your life is happening. Isn't it enough? Happiness is your own responsibility, so attack it."
No longer is Garner just a rom-com queen: That grad cap certainly hides a crown for queen of all commencements.
Check out the full speech below. Garner comes in around the 1:03:00 mark.