Theory: Chris Harrison's Kids Hate The Bachelor

Photo: Courtesy of Paul Hebert/ABC.
Chris Harrison, Bachelor dad, is a real dad as well, something you might forget when he's hanging out with a gaggle of 26-year-old women in cocktail dresses. He reminded us of this during his appearance on The Steve Harvey Show Tuesday. He has two kids, in fact, a 14-year-old girl named Taylor, and a 16-year-old son named Joshua. Harrison pointed out that they're almost the same age as the show itself.
Joshua, Harrison said, was just six weeks old when The Bachelor first revved to life. He's effectively the same age as The Bachelor, which is a shame because now Harrison measures his son's age via the show.
"What's life been like for them?" Steve Harvey asked.
"It's been The Bachelor," Harrison replied. He added later, "I always say, The Bachelor's driving now, it just got its license, and is a sophomore in high school now." Which could mean a couple of things: Harrison sees The Bachelor as one of his kids, or Harrison's kids are basically The Bachelor. Either way, the Harrison siblings have to despise the show. Life events for Harrison also occur on a Bachelor timeline — "Yes, that was in the year of Jade and Tanner's wedding," Harrison remarks wistfully, fondling a rose — and life at home is the Bachelor mansion on a smaller scale. (Watching this clip, I wondered: Does Harrison hold a rose ceremony to determine who has to do chores? I certainly hope he does, and if he doesn't, this is an activity I will force upon my roommates. Bachelor fandom is fun!)
It's all a part of the Harrison mystery. For all the mystique surrounding the contestants, the real enigma of The Bachelor isn't love, or even how the women contestants get their mic packs to dangle so gracefully from their bikini straps. The real puzzle is Harrison, the one person who wins The Bachelor every single season. He has all of two scenes every episode, if not less, and he has somehow managed to avoid villainy after all these years. (At some point, you'd think the producers would turn on Harrison, editing him to seem like a ferocious diva-monster, but they haven't. Maybe he really is a nice guy.) Chad Johnson famously mocked Harrison on Bachelor in Paradise for going to bed with a mimosa and a robe — I've never seen Harrison with a mimosa — but the criticism bounced right off of Harrison's impeccable Mister Rogers shell.
But someone has to hate Harrison, right? Or, someone has to hate what he does, and in my mind, it's his teenage kids. Can you imagine if your parents held solemn rose ceremonies once a week on television? Or if all your friends (and their parents) asked for spoilers every single season? Or if, instead of the car you wanted for your 16th birthday, you got an awkward solo country concert? Or, better yet, if for family vacation, you ended up in Fort Lauderdale?
On the other hand, The Bachelor is paying for their college tuition, so, they can't really complain. And Harrison seems unavoidably kind. Goddamnit.
Watch the full clip of Harrison with Harvey, below.
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