Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 14, Episode 9 Recap: "A Very Kardashian Holiday"

We’re taking a break from our regularly scheduled Keeping Up With The Kardashians episode to bring in the reason for the season: fabulous outfits and family togetherness. So it’s with my great pleasure that we take a break from Scott and Kourtney’s drama, Khloé’s antics, and Kim’s latest ventures to spread some holiday cheer.

Let’s just get this out of the way first: This episode is so staged. It was reportedly filmed during October, a whopping two months before Christmas. I’m all for starting the holidays the second November comes around, but no one is decorating gingerbread houses before Halloween. Except for the Kardashians.

While decorating their cookie homes, Kim vents about how Kourtney stole her Christmas decorations last year. She absolutely refuses to let her family steal any ideas. It’s tense in a ridiculous sort of way and that’s not even the end of the drama.

Later, Kris, Kourtney, and Kim are out shopping for decorations at Aldik. Kim threatens every single member of her family if they copy her decorations. “I won’t tell all my ideas out loud. My mom is lurking,” she says to an employee. Kim is kind of like a fabulous Scrooge who cares a little too much.

But being tight-lipped couldn’t save her. Kris’s team accidentally gets forwarded an email with literally everything Kim is doing for Christmas. A normal mom would think “Oh, that sounds wonderful. Can’t wait to see it.” Not Kris. She hatches a plan to copy everything from Kim’s Christmas plans and rub it in her face.

First things first, she spills the news to Khloé, who finds this so unnecessary. Still, she’s down to reap the benefits. I mean, there’s a snow machine and ice skating rink outside! Despite that, Khloé immediately tells Kim that Kris copied. Kim just laughs it off. She was never planning to do that stuff anyway! Looks like everyone’s getting a winter wonderland just for fun.

Finally, their Christmas dinner is here! Kylie tells Kris that she’s the thing she’s most thankful for this year. In turn, Kris gives a little speech about how she used to pray for grandchildren and now it’s like a faucet she can’t turn off. Is this a nod to Khloe and Kylie’s pregnancy rumors? I really hope so.

Then, Santa arrives and drives everyone crazy. Khloé and Kourtney immediately know that it’s Jonathan Cheban in disguise. To get back at Kim for booking her usual Santa, Kris got the Foodgod to wear a full Santa suit, including prosthetics. It takes Kim a little longer to recognize her best friend. He then leads them to the ice rink where none other than Nancy Kerrigan is skating away. The little kids have no idea who this woman is, but they have a magical time anyway.

So, Kris’ little prank turned out to be a perfect family moment for everyone. No hard feelings necessary.

Growing up means knowing that some of the holiday magic is fake. Khloé learned that the hard way when she asked Kris for her lemon cake recipe and found out it’s just a box cake. For Khloé, it’s homemade or nothing. Kris, however, loves herself a box. Let the battle begin.

Khloé shows up with diamonds around her neck and a penchant for the rules. Kris has her helper, Chef K, showing her around the kitchen. Finally, the dishes get made and the judging can commence!

Kourtney, Jonathan, MJ, and Kim are all obsessed with Khloé’s strawberry cobbler. Jonathan truly brings out his inner Foodgod. Seriously, someone give this guy a job on the Food Network. The judges are torn because of the nostalgia surrounding Kris’ lemon cake. In the end, Khloé wins the bake-off, but for the Christmas Eve party, they have to go with Kris’ goodies. It’s tradition! Maybe Khloé can try again next year.

This episode was so packed with holiday events that they don’t exactly fit into the main storylines. Still, I couldn’t let these cute moments go by without a mention.

Kris expresses her one Christmas wish: to be able to shop without getting mobbed by fans. She and Jonathan Cheban get prosthetics and wigs to disguise themselves and head to a toy store. Not only do they shop their hearts out, but there’s an amazing silly string fight. I also love how the whole point of the disguises was to be able to evade the crowds, but they definitely shut the store down for filming. Watching this episode is the grown-up version of finding out that Santa isn’t real.

Going off of last week’s episode, Kourtney and Kim bring their little ones into the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank with bags and bags of food. North, Mason, Penelope, and Aston all package and hand out food. Their Christmas may be filled with giant trees and mountains of presents, but it’s good that they also get a taste of giving back.

As expected “A Very Kardashian Christmas” was as wildly extravagant as you could imagine, but it never lost its family roots. Hopefully we’ll find out if their tree is growing new branches in the upcoming weeks. If Kylie and Khloé are pregnant, we aren’t that far away from a big reveal!