In a video blog for her channel, former Bachelor contestant Britt Nilsson disclosed a tumultuous history of drug abuse, alcoholism, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, People reports. The 30-year-old, who competed on Chris Soules' season of The Bachelor, said that though she's struggled with addiction for most of her adult life, being on the show exacerbated her eating disorder.
"I actually felt good until about the very end," she admitted in the video. "That's when I started realizing things were weird."
"For me, having tons of food everywhere [on The Bachelor]… it just became too much," she continued. "I would just eat to shove down — I had pain and anxiety, I felt insecure, I didn't feel pretty enough, I didn't know what was going on, I missed my family. And I hadn't acted out that way in a long time."
The scrutiny of the cameras added to Nilsson's anxieties. Contestants on The Bachelor wear microphones around the clock, which means the production staff (or the audience at home) could bear witness to Nilsson's struggle.
"I was totally terrified that it was going to be caught on a mic and that millions of people were going to know that I just couldn’t control myself," she said. "I would take my mic off and try to hide it under towels so they wouldn't hear me throw up, because then that was going to be on the show and that was going to be a plot line. How horrible would that be, to be the girl who has an eating disorder, who can't stop eating and throwing up?"
Nilsson said in the video that she vowed two years ago to never make herself throw up again. In addition, she has been sober for almost two years.
After appearing on The Bachelor, the Michigan native was one of two contestants chosen to become the next Bachelorette. In an unprecedented decision, the show pitted Nilsson against Kaitlyn Bristowe in the premiere episode of The Bachelorette. The contestants then chose who would be the Bachelorette, and Bristowe won.
Nilsson seems pleased that she didn't end up doing The Bachelorette. And she didn't seem to need it — not even two years after Bristowe got engaged to Shawn Booth on The Bachelorette, Nilsson got engaged to Jeremy Byrne.
Watch Nilsson's full video confession, below.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder and are in need of support, please call the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237. For a 24-hour crisis line, text “NEDA” to 741741.
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