Louis C.K.’s appearance on SNL this past weekend was, for the most part, typical Louis C.K.: topical, self-deprecating, boundary-pushing, and occasionally bleak as fuck. Over the course of the hour-long show — his first since hosting in 2014 — he played a racist Polish immigrant, a social-media activist named Scott, a middle-aged man who invites a birthday clown into his home, and more.
But there was one segment in particular that had us unable take our eyes off the comedian. In “The Lawyer,” C.K. is cast as Mr. Douglas, an attorney with a decidedly weak case — and one major advantage over everyone else in the room: his long, dark, fluttery eyelashes.
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One by one, the judge, the bailiff, the witness, the jury, and finally, the opposing team, find themselves distracted — and eventually swayed — by C.K.’s alluring lashes. “Excuse me, Mr. Douglas, but has anyone told you that, frankly, you have the most beautiful eyelashes?” the judge, played by Kenan Thompson, asks. “Wow, what a pickle to be you, walking around town, bringing spring wherever you go.”
The likelihood of beautiful eyelashes turning a real-life court case in a prosecutor’s favor is slim, but you don’t need to have passed the bar exam to understand why people find long, thick lashes so attractive. Though there’s little health benefit or evolutionary advantage to a good set, it’s generally understood that they’re a sign of youth and beauty — which is why we spend so much time and money enhancing ours with mascara, extensions, and even implants.
Fittingly, the sketch ends with the classic “maybe she’s born with it” Maybelline slogan. It’s satire, of course, not an actual commercial, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the most effective beauty ad of all time. A mascara that ensures everyone in your vicinity will take your side, on the basis of your lashes alone? That’s something that could really come in handy in life.