Dane Cook’s Rant About Nick Cannon’s Magenta Turban Is The Best Thing You’ll Read All Day

Photo: Rob Latour/Variety/REX/Shutterstock.
Nick Cannon sent the Internet into a frenzy when he first wore a white Turban, and last night, he donned a magenta variation for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, according to a photo shared by E! News. People had strong opinions about Cannon's first turban, but perhaps nobody feels as strongly about this new one as Dane Cook. On Tuesday, he dedicated 224 words to slamming the headwear on Instagram, and every single one of them is worth reading. First, he imagined Cannon making the decision to wear it. "He put this on his head and he looked in a mirror and he walked away from the mirror without saying to himself, 'Hey self mayyyyyybe I shouldn't look like Zoltan and wear a fuhhhhhking pink turban with one of the infinity stones from Avengers on it,'" he wrote. Then, he walked us through Cannon's journey out the door: "He went outside and people didn't stop him and say 'Nick Cannon from Americas Best Talents Competition we love you so please remove that from your head please and thank you.'" It doesn't seem like that would work, though. Cannon seems intent on keeping his turban around, even giving it its own Twitter account. After expressing his desire to leave Instagram, Cook kind of lost it. "I just opened my fridge and randomly punched into it in utter disbelief," he wrote. "I also just called hammered a nail into my own tire so I could walk into the woods off the side of a rural highway to spit on a bird's nest." We hope he's going to be OK, and we also hope Cannon doesn't take his extreme animosity too personally.

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