Ken Bone, Icon Of Indecision, Becomes Uber Spokesman

Ken Bone became an unlikely internet hero when he burst onto the scene in a now-iconic red sweater that seemed tailor-made for internet stardom. We weren't going to forget about this easily; Halloween costumes have been made. But let's take two steps back, several deep breaths, and a seat. Ken Bone is an undecided voter. We are nationally celebrating a man who is faced with the choice of the most qualified presidential candidate in modern history, a woman who has spent more than a decade literally working in the White House alongside two different Presidents as well as holding a Senate seat for multiple terms, and a guy who has been accused of sexual assault around 15 times in the past 24 hours. Of course, standing out among a group so infantile that the closing question was "Can't we all get along?" is not exactly a tall task. Also, let's not forget that Ken Bone changed into his sweater because he ripped the seat of his pants in two. Ken Bone isn't Chance the Gardener, a simple man whose simple worldview is a refreshing window into a clear way of thought. He's just a guy in a sweater that can't make a decision any thinking person made about six months ago. Anyways, he's now a spokesman for Uber's SELECT service, which lets people ride around in fancy cars for double the rate of Uber X.

Great job, Ken! You've translated accidental fame into free car rides, a branded T-shirt, and a Reddit AMA later Thursday. Actually, give it up for Ken. He's turned being unable to decide into a cottage industry. What else could be closer to the American dream?