Oscars Part II: James Franco’s Commercial Is Unbearable To Watch

In The X-Files, whenever someone got abducted, their watch would stop and they would lose nine minutes, demonstrating the mysterious loss of time that occurs when aliens did whatever kind of freaky stuff they do. That's exactly the effect of this commercial for Samsung's GALAXY tablet featuring James Franco, and believe us, there is some freakiness going on. At only two minutes and 44 seconds, this video feels like our watches stopped, and we may have been probed.
Clearly James Franco has some kind of penchant for talking at a snail's pace, and for that, we are deeply sympathetic. But couldn't the guys in the editing room have cut out the long pauses a bit? Maybe even speed the whole thing up just a tad? And why, why did they ask for the World's Worst Actresses in the casting call for those girls having a pillow fight? And even more, why was it really necessary to show that photo of a gross, inflamed throat with strep? Congrats Samsung, the screen on that thing is high-res enough to make people puke all over the iPads they're already watching the commercial on.

Deep breath. Ready? The background music may or may not have been stolen from the Glee credits. Nobody just eats plain toast like that. The ridiculous facial expression affected by JF when he casually reminds himself to add a dash of nutmeg. The fact that when he says, "make sure she does, ladies," it actually sounds like, "make sure she dies, ladies." Why does the camera follow him, and then he beckons the camera to follow him?
The sad part about all this is that the concept is actually pretty cool (See Wes Anderson's similar ad for American Express). And we would've probably found this charming enough to giggle at if the execution weren't such an epic fail. Once again, are you trolling us, James Franco? Are you once again wondering if he meant to do this bizarre performance on purpose? We think this commercial needs to take its own advice: Perfect timing doesn't hurt.

Witness Franco take on multi-tasking by pairing the weird with the charismatic — and see how it all unfolds.