With its upcoming season, American Horror Story has already ruined bubble baths, but now it's clearly trying to ruin the internet, too. AHS: Cult has a website, and it's creepier than anything you can even imagine. So. Many. Clowns. It's so scary, in fact, it comes with a warning that it may trigger seizures.
If you can somehow get past the initial creepy clown who greets you with the message "Are You Ready?" you may just be able to unlock the secrets of the seventh season.
The teasers for this season even included a creepy cult recruitment via Facebook, but this website should definitely encourage you not to sign up. There are six screens to unlock, currently, five are available for your viewing pleasure. Or — what's the exact opposite of pleasure? Because that's what these are.
No surprise, all of them include clowns. When you click on the second, you're given a few details about the cult including that you must "surrender everything" to join and that it's not about you but "about us." You even get profiles of some of the cult members, who don't have names but numbers. The sole female clown rips off her poufy red wig as the narrator lets us know, “She wanted a better life. She wanted something more. She found us.” No. 24712 tells us to "surrender to a new truth" and "wake up," which sounds like we may be getting some alternative facts this season.
When you head to three, you have to rearrange words to complete the message, "Above All Things, Humans Love Fear. When the words are correctly put in order, you get to know a few of the characters names: Cheyenne Jackson is Dr. Rudy Vincent, Billie Lourd will play Winter Anderson, and Billy Eichner is Harrison Wilton.
Four features a clown with a chainsaw who lets you know "We'll help you conquer your weakness." If you click to see the unlocked content, you'll get what looks like a page of the script filled with settings and directions like "Bus Floor: a bloody tongue drops INTO FRAME" and a scene which includes a crumpet filled with pinkie fingers. Names and certain details have been redacted, but it's certainly enough to frighten you for all the gory things you're going to see this season.
With five, you're asked to commit to this cult and if you do you get quick cuts of gigantic spiders, clowns in milky bathtubs, and a final clown who shifts in and out of focus. With only one more screen to unlock, it all feels a bit confusing now, but hopefully it will all make sense by the premiere on 5th September.
Let's be honest, though, with Ryan Murphy, it probably won't. That's part of the fun, right?
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