"Did you miss me?"
It has been seven years since we first started watching Pretty Little Liars. What a ride it's been. A lot has happened since 2010. Many characters have died, almost as many have come back to life. We started watching a show we thought was a murder mystery around the death of Ali DiLaurentis (Sasha Pieterse), but much like our latest podcast obsession, S-Town, things changed — Ali was alive after all, and "A" was still loose.
We've had at least 5 "A" reveals that weren't really the whole story, and with only 10 episodes left in the show (EVER!) we still have a lot of questions. Starting with the biggest ones that the 7A finale left us with — Who kidnapped Jenna (Tammin Sursok)? Is Spencer (Troian Bellisario) still alive (clearly she is, but we'll go along with the storyline for fun)? Is Mary Drake (Andrea Parker) really Spencer's mum? And WHO IS "A" D*MN IT?
"Friends share secrets, that what keeps us close."
We're recapping tonight's premiere live below. Check back for an updated list of our 29 biggest questions we have after watching the episode. With 7 years of secrets under our belt, we need a lot of answers.
1. They weren't even going to try and have us guess if Toby (Keegan Allen) and Spencer were alive? They were both revealed just fine before the credits even rolled. Okay, we can get used to this pace.
2. Why is Caleb (Tyler Blackburn) telling Hanna (Ashley Benson) to worry about fashion, right now? I get the whole selfless boyfriend thing, but no, Hanna should be worried about the crazy person that has been stalking and trying to kill her and her friends for the last seven years.
3. Are we supposed to believe Ali is really pregnant? She snuck away to the doctor to confirm her pregnancy all alone. Nope. I won't believe it until I see the receipts from a doctor that is not Wren (Julian Morris).
4. Why do the girls continually think they've caught "A" and then get surprised when they haven't? It has been YEARS of this same reveal. The actresses are even tired of having to make the same "OMG "A's" still alive" face.
6. They had Holden (Shane Coffey) make a heart attack joke to flippantly remind us about his heart condition during his first scene back? Bold.
7. Holden is a chef now? I could see Aria with a chef, and that would be much better than her high school teacher. Just saying, and even Ian Harding (who plays Ezra) agrees with me.
8. Did Mrs. Hastings (Lesley Fera) really think calling Spencer's birth mother "clinically insane" was the best way to tell Spencer she was adopted? I can think of a few ways with a bit more eloquence, Veronica.
9. YAS. Peter Hastings (Nolan North) had an affair with BOTH Jessica and Mary Drake?! This is the kind of soap opera dream I always hoped this show would go after.
10. Veronica stayed with Peter after he cheated on her with two different women and used the "Oh, well they are twins, so I thought they were same person" line?
11. Was anyone worried that Mary was able to escape out of Radley?
12. Or what about the fact that Peter could not tell the difference between his next door neighbor and new mum, Jessica, and escaped mental hospital patient he had never seen before, Mary?
13. Am I missing any of the DiLaurentis/Drake/Hastings children here? I have: Charlotte (Vanessa Ray), Spencer, Ali, Jason (Drew Van Acker), and Melissa (Torrey DeVitto).
14. Why do they still lie to the people who know about "A" and the game? Spencer should have just told Toby that "A" was around again and the game had taken a much more tangible form. It's not like he hasn't been through so much already.
15. Did a deer really hit Toby and Yvonne (Kara Royster)?
16. Are we going to have mean, bully Ali for the rest of the season? I'm not going to lie, I'm totally here for it. When she is vindictive I am much more into her storylines.
17. Whose fault is that? When Ali said, "None of my memories are real, they are all lies" I laughed out loud. Well, Ali if you hadn't faked your death, ran away, watched your friends get tortured from afar, and lied to everyone, then you could have had some real memories.
18. Who else forgot about Noel (Brant Daugherty) and Mona's (Janel Parrish) relationship? After all the craziness of him being kidnapped and decapitated in the last episode, I forgot about the love triangle that was Mona, Jenna and Noel in Rosewood's past.
19. Why is Spencer the only person that is having to play this board game?
20. Did this board game come with instructions? Between having to do challenges to move on the board, collecting real life prizes, watching videos on the phone, and putting a puzzle together, there are A LOT of steps.
21. Mary said she got pregnant with Peter Hasting's illegitimate child because the "Hastings deserved to be punished." What did the Hastings do to Mary Drake to make her hate them so much?
22. Okay, this letter is excellent and very revealing for a season premiere. She also said that one day hopefully her infant daughter (Spencer) could save her. Save her from what? Radley?
23. What happens if the phone in the game board dies? This is a very advanced science fair project, and I don't see a charger connected to it.
24. Why did A.D. kidnap Jenna?
25. Who can read braille? I would love to know what the page A.D. gave to Jenna explaining the end game says. What if the answers were actually in front of us?
26. Why is Mona not part of the game? Considering she is the smartest person on this show, the Liars are either screwed because she's A.D. or they are screwed because they aren't using her brains as a cheat sheet.
27. Were the boys excluded from the game on purpose? After years of the boys fighting to be included, it's interesting that they are fine with being lied to and left out now.
28. Where is Mary Drake? It's an odd mum move that after telling Spencer she was her birth mother, she vanished without any follow up questions.
29. Most important of all: Why did this great episode have to ruin it's track record by both mentioning Nicole (Rebecca Breeds), and having Ezra (Ian Harding) and Aria plan their creepy high-school-student-and-high-school-teacher-now-of-age wedding?
Other important notes:
An almost perfect record:
shower Sara Harvey: 1 (too much)
Mentions of Nicole
No Name: 2 (also too much)
Mentions of Nicole
Who was the episode's craziest couple?
5. Caleb & Hanna: Sure, Caleb should be more concerned about A.D., but it is cute that he is trying to get her career back on track. Plus, I will always be a Haleb fan.
4. Spencer & Marco (Nicholas Gonzalez): Spencer and her new cop boyfriend are pretty cute. But why doesn't she just sit down and tell him everything already? This would have been easier if they had just gone to the cops after The Jenna Thing when they were 15.
3. Paige & Emily: They do realise they have been fighting about the same thing, er person, for the last seven years, right?
2. Aria & Ezra: Why are they planning a wedding when Aria doesn't even know if she should stay at his place, and Ezra was about to leave town to be with his ex without telling Aria? Holden has his doubts. I have my doubts. Aria, listen to us.
1. Ali & Emily: Did they really have to bring their romantic squabbles into a meeting at their place of business? When are they going to connect Emily's eggs are the ones that were implanted into Ali?
She said what?
I would be remiss without including the best quote of the night:
Mona: "Do you trust me?"
With that wisdom I leave you because truer words have never been said on the show (and definitely not by Hanna).