Where We Left Off With Your Favorite Twisted Bachelor Satire, UnReal

Photo: Courtesy of Lifetime.
No show in recent memory suffered a sophomore slump quite like UnReal. The Lifetime satire became much-watch TV when it premiered in June 2015. It was the perfect summer show as a twisted spin on the Bachelor, moving the focus from the people in front of the camera to the fictional monsters hiding behind it. The sexy storylines; the thrilling, deadly machinations; the complicated, dangerous women at its core. It was all a treat no one even knew to expect, but immediately loved.
Then, season 2 happened.
UnReal round two was a tangled mess of self-conscious wokeness, unintelligible alliances that usually shifted multiple times an episode, and baffling new characters who disappeared by the end of the season. It was hard to understand UnReal 2.0 when it first aired, let alone now, a year-and-a-half since season 2 finale “Friendly Fire” aired in August 2016.
So, keep reading for the UnReal refresher you need ahead of the drama’s season 3 premiere on Monday, February 26. At least the new go-around with Quinn King (Constance Zimmer) and Rachel Goldberg (Shiri Appleby) promises the possibility of returning UnReal to its former glory with its much-needed Bachelorette riff.
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Jeremy Caner

Jeremy (Josh Kelly) might not be the most important UnReal team member by a long shot — Quinn and Jeremy's on-again, off-again girlfriend Rachel share that honor — but he did close out season 2 with the most explosive sin.

It’s heavily suggested Jeremy messed with the car of producer Coleman Wasserman (Michael Rady) and undercover journalist Yael (Monica Barbaro), leading to their implied fiery deaths. Coleman (who was scheming and sleeping with Rachel at one point) and Yael (who was scheming and sleeping with Jeremy at one point) were two of those confusing, alliance-changing new additions we were talking about. They were planning to reveal all of show-within-a-show Everlasting’s dark secrets, but Jeremy stopped them in their tracks. Literally.

The decision essentially cemented Jeremy, Quinn, Rachel, and Everlasting creator Chet Wilton together as purposefully murderous monsters, which is worse than that time they accidentally murdered Mary Newhouse (Ashley Scott) in season 1.

Since Jeremy commited the latest Everlasting murder to protect Rachel & Co. from going to jail, the fatal action is meant as his apology for physically assaulting his ex earlier in the season. But, he’s still a violent jerk. Now, he’s merely a violent, murderous jerk who kept Rachel from a lifetime behind bars.
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Rachel Goldberg

A big reason for Jeremy’s too little, too late killer apology is that he finds out Rachel was raped at 12 by one of her psychiatrist mom Olive’s (Mimi Kuzyk) patients. This led to Olive treating and pharmaceutically drugging her own daughter for well over a decade. Any darkness Rachel shows on the Everlasting set stems from this bombshell of a toxic mother-daughter relationship.

Rachel attempted to share these long-hidden secrets with the awful Coleman, who seemed like a path to normalcy, before he repeatedly stabbed her in the back with that exact information. Now he’s dead. But Rachel is still kicking, so there’s that.

Rachel started UnReal season 2 pledging to get money, dick, and power with Quinn. After producing the perfect wild, surprisingly happy Everlasting finale, she ends season 2 with all the MDP she could want, along with a few more demons and murder connections under her belt.
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Quinn King

In the same way Rachel went on a near-impossible rollercoaster of madness, so did her best friend-mentor-mother figure Quinn. She was angry at Rachel; she loved Rachel. She was angry at ex-boyfriend Chet; she was infuriated by ex-boyfriend Chet. She was in love with Random Rich Guy You Totally Forgot About John Booth (Ioan Gruffudd) and broke up with John Booth because he wanted kids. It was a lot and legitimately sad.

Quinn ends season 2 resigned to the fact the motley crew of Jeremy, Rachel, and Chet is the only (extremely dysfunctional) family she will have.
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Chet Wilton

We've already gone over the major Chet beats, so please just remember he started season 2 at that godforsaken meninist slim-down retreat. And he loves to give the women he's sleeping with anklets. Ugh.
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Madison & Jay

As Jay (Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman) became more and more disillusioned by the cruelty and chaos of Everlasting, the crew’s youngest team member Madison (Genevieve Buechner) was only more seduced by the power.

And, we’re pretty sure these two had to split the winning producer bonus.
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The Bachelors

Does anyone remember when season 1 suitor Adam Cromwell (Freddie Stroma) popped up in season 2 to beg Rachel to run away with him? And she said no? And then he disappeared once more? No, you don’t remember that? That’s okay, because so many truly terrible things happened to Rachel it’s unlikely she remembers that either.

Season 2 suitor and football player Darius Beck (B.J. Britt) had to deal with a career-and-life-threatening injury and bungled white liberal politics, but at least he left Everlasting happily dating his true favorite contestant, Ruby Carter (Denée Benton).
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Hey, y’all, UnReal’s answer to Chris Harrison is still a Thing. As usual, Everlasting host Graham (Brennan Elliott) ended season 3 as useless ever.

We can all assume the womanizer, who has the habit of sleeping with every suitor’s rejects, was disappointed to find out about his show’s pivot to a pool of male competitors.

But to quote Rachel and Quinn on many occasions, “This isn’t about you, Graham.”
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