34 Bizarro Craigslist Ads To Read NOW

UPDATE: Craigslist doesn't sleep, so why should we? Ahead, the old, the new, the weird.
You know that porcelain clown your aunt Mildred gave you for your 12th birthday? You're probably looking to get that thing off your hands. And the guy singing Ke$ha on the morning commute? You probably want to call him out. And that's when you turn to the one and only Craigslist — a place to vent, a place to sell, a place to reconnect (and oh, so, so much more) — all from the safety of your own computer chair. Ahead, the 34 nuttiest NYC ads we've seen in a while — from awesome to #awkward. Happy hump day!
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1 of 34
Yeah, there's a buffalo wing print bandana. And yeah, we have three.
2 of 34
The Julianne Moore alone is worth $2,500....right, guys? Guys....?
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3 of 34
If your plastic surgeon is willing to trade "Breast Augmentations" for social media presence, well....
4 of 34
SCORE! LIFE HACKS!
5 of 34
Okay, honestly, $23,000.000 is nothing for a set of ancient relics like this.
6 of 34
This isn't just the baby luchador, mind you, but the shrine, too! "Conversation piece" is right.
7 of 34
Okay, honestly, we guess for the Oz enthusiast this isn't that weird, but $175? That seems like a lot of cookie dough to be dishing out. At least it might scare you from overdoing it on dessert?
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8 of 34
Please...don't...mail...."personal hair"...
9 of 34
Sure, it's just $200 for the vending machine, but think of the costs in refilling the tattoo stickers for your house guests!
10 of 34
Awww, Sparky! Welcome to the family!
11 of 34
True friends share hair.
12 of 34
We could be mistaken, but doesn't this hair look vaguely familiar?
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13 of 34
What's the catch? And why does the baby mama have to be over 35?
14 of 34
This is sweet, but where exactly does the "delicate tyranny" fall into place?
15 of 34
Muscles a plus.
16 of 34
This guy made a life-size zebra, and it can be yours for just $3,950 (a "deal!").
17 of 34
..."or just to have fun with"...
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18 of 34
Okay, now this is honestly just awesome.
19 of 34
What exactly do "honey creamed thoughts" taste like, though?
20 of 34
Okay, deep breaths, everything is going to be OKAY.
21 of 34
All this for a compliment on a hat? P.S. Anyone else hungry for baguettes now?
22 of 34
The title, the picture, and the caption...we're just confused.
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23 of 34
Scary island, anyone?
24 of 34
Yep, we see what you're saying — we're totttttallly with you.
25 of 34
Dad?!?!?!
26 of 34
Not on work time you won't.
27 of 34
Seriously, though, if anyone remembers this, we will be thoroughly, thoroughly impressed.
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28 of 34
Chin up, fella: A few years is nothing, this chain-mail coif has likely been around for ages!
29 of 34
If you need an antique bull blinder to get a conversation going, it might be time for some public-speaking sessions. #Justsayin'
30 of 34
So real...so creepy.
31 of 34
Decorative and functional!
32 of 34
Buy at your own risk.
33 of 34
Not necessarily something you want to buy used.
34 of 34
Shakespeare lives!
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