I’m A Latina Mom & I’ve Decided To Go Back To College

As the daughter of Nicaraguan immigrants in San Francisco, I am the first in my family to go to college. But my academic journey hasn’t been easy: Several schools, plenty of frustration over financial aid, and two babies later, I accomplished my goal, but it would have been impossible without a strong support system. 

I started my bachelor’s degree at FootHill College in Los Altos, CA, in 2005, but I was constantly failing math and English. At the time, I had a good job at a bank, so I decided to take a break from my studies because I was making decent money and the college wasn’t understanding of my financial situation. Additionally, as a low-income Latina who needed to work full time to pay her bills, I felt alone navigating white-majority academic spaces. I was fully supporting myself because my parents couldn't afford to pay for my college tuition — they didn’t even know what that was — so when I applied for financial aid, I constantly had to wrestle my dad for information. When I asked for his tax documents to receive the financial assistance I needed, he would say, with distrust in his voice, “¿Por qué lo necesitan?” 

But without my degree I learned I couldn’t get promoted at my job. I went back to school in 2008 to City College of San Francisco. I planned to do everything in my power to transfer to San Francisco State University in two years. It was at City College that I changed my major from criminal justice to Latinx studies because I felt that represented my values and identity more than my previous major.

I graduated in May 2012 from San Franscico State University, and on the same day as the commencement ceremony, I found out I was pregnant with my then-fiance’s baby. It was one of the most joyous occasions of my life, as my family came together to celebrate my accomplishment. It was a beautiful moment that I shared with my tía, my parents, and my husband. As I entered a new chapter of life, I decided to take some time off from school so I could take care of my daughter, but I knew I would eventually return for my master’s degree. A post-undergrad degree meant I could earn more at the property management agency where I worked. 

Two years later, I was ready for school again. But as I started my MBA at Notre Dame de Namur University in Belmont, CA, I learned I was pregnant with my son. This time the reactions weren’t as positive. Instead, they asked, “Are you gonna work and go to school? Who's gonna take care of the baby?” Or they would straight-up say, “You should drop out of your master's program because it’s a lot to have two kids, especially a newborn.” I started to question my choices. My husband and I felt the workload was doable, but everyone else thought we were in denial. 

It became so overwhelming that, at a doctor’s visit, I burst into tears while speaking to her. She diagnosed me with pre-partum depression — something I didn’t even know existed. Unfortunately in my family, we don't talk about mental health, but my doctor, who took the time to listen to me, helped me make a decision. She recommended I take a break from work and focus on school, so that’s what I did. 

Wobbling around campus, I felt low-key embarrassed to be pregnant and a student. I don’t really know why it’s so taboo to be a pregnant person in school, but as I worked toward my goal, I felt as though people stared at me and judged me. I leaned into my support network — my husband, my family, and friends. I also asked my school what sort of accommodations were available to me during my pregnancy. I was able to arrive later to my classes without any penalty, and I could get extensions for my assignments. This helped me take things day by day until I gave birth to my son in August 2016. 

I didn’t have the luxury of taking a lot of time off. About 30 days after the birth, I returned to both school and my job because I couldn't afford not to work. Having a newborn while doing a master’s program is tough, and here I was up late to write a paper and feed my kid — sleep deprivation during the first months postpartum is difficult enough. But despite all the challenges and long, sleepless nights, I graduated in April 2017. 

But I knew that wasn’t it for me. I took a three-year break from academia and focused on my family and property management career. With renewed energies, I started a doctoral program for educational leadership at Mills College at Northeastern University in Oakland. For my dissertation, I am exploring the experience of Latinas in higher education, motivated by the fact that I did not see myself represented in my master's program. I still don’t see too many Latina women in grad school, but Nicaraguan graduates and researchers exist and I want to reclaim our space in academia.

My history with dropping out and returning to higher education is part of what led me to create the Latinas with Masters community on Instagram. I knew I wasn’t alone in experiencing imposter syndrome throughout my academic career because of my Latina identity and motherhood. I became pretty good at navigating these majority-white institutions despite the micro and macro aggressions, and I wanted to provide guidance for others who are learning how to occupy spaces that don’t necessarily welcome them. I learned that with community, we can do the hard things. 

Throughout my years in education, the right people have seen me for who I am, and they are not intimidated with how I show up. They motivated me when others told me to quit. As I continuously proved myself, there were a few people who looked like me and had similar experiences who said: “I see you; how can I support you?” I wanted other Latinas in higher education to have a place to turn to when they felt unsupported. I am also doing that in real life. I recently took a job as the director of student support services at a local community college, where I help vulnerable students figure out issues around housing, financial aid, and food insecurity.

Being a Latina in higher education is tough and lonely — especially if you are also a mother — but one of the best things you can do for yourself is remain flexible about your goals. Don’t get caught up on self-imposed deadlines and have compassion for yourself if you don’t fulfill those timelines. Life happens and you have to adapt. And don’t be afraid to ask for help from your higher education institution and learn how to advocate for yourself. No matter how long it takes, you will get there — just like I did.