Warm Apple Pie Isn't The Only Food You Can Masturbate With

Photographed by Laura Murray.
Twenty years before Timothée Chalamet got intimate with a peach in Call Me By Your Name, American Pie introduced a generation of horny teens to the concept of masturbating with food. Just as the title indicates, American Pie features a scene showing a character masturbating with, well, a pie. After his best friend tells him that third base (aka fingering) feels like a warm apple pie, lead character Jim (Jason Biggs) finds the freshly-baked pastry in his kitchen and decides to give it a go.
The gooey insides feel so good that Jim's finger isn’t all he puts in the pie, and his father walks in on him moaning with his pants around his ankles. “We’ll just tell your mother that we ate it all,” Jim’s dad says, surveying the ruined pie.
Advertisement
Pies and peaches aren’t the only foods that horny teens, whether fictional or real, have masturbated with. There’s cucumbers, cantaloupe, and of course, grapefruit (as in the technique seen in Girls Trip). To honor the anniversary of American Pie, here are some foods people have masturbated with. Don’t try this at home — or maybe do!

Pie

American Pie inspired horny teens everywhere to give this a try. Apple isn’t the only flavor option here — another popular pick is cherry.

Peaches

Fun story: I ate a delicious peach while on vacation in Italy with my mom and told her, “Now I know how Elio feels.” Then I had to explain the peach masturbation scene in Call Me By Your Name.

Grapefruit

As seen in Girls Trip (and in a viral YouTube video before it), “grapefruiting” involves microwaving a grapefruit and using it as an accessory during a blowjob. It would also work for masturbation or a handjob, but be careful of that citric acid.

Cantaloupe

A cantaloupe, or really any kind of melon, works similar to the grapefruit technique: simply cut a hole in it and go to town.

Watermelon

One Redditor said watermelon is the best fruit to masturbate with if you’ve got a squirting fetish.

Coconut

Same idea here — cut a hole in the top and go to town. One Redditor left a very detailed post describing his coconut masturbation experience. Let's say that you should only use the coconut once, because the flies will find it.
Advertisement

Bananas

This fruit works as a masturbation tool for either penises or vaginas — it all depends on whether you take the banana out of the peel.

Cucumber

Cucumber might be the most phallic vegetable, and I feel like every high school has a rumor about a girl who masturbated with a cucumber, right?

Carrot

If cucumbers are too mainstream, a carrot also does the trick.

Donuts

Pies might not be the best kind of baked good to masturbate with — donuts with a hole are already in the right shape.
Advertisement

More from Sex & Relationships