Adult Sleepovers Are Giving Us What Big Nights Out Can’t

Heidi Currid, from Manchester, UK, has a sleepover with her friends at least once a month. And no, she’s not 13, she’s 30. “We meet up at one of our houses, get into our pyjamas straight away, pour a glass of champagne and have a gossip and a catchup,” she says. “Then we order sushi and eat in bed while watching crime documentaries on Netflix. Once we’ve finished our sushi, we’ll snack on chocolate and continue watching TV for the rest of the night. Once we feel tired, we’ll fall asleep to either an audiobook or a film.” It’s a teenage dream, with some adult swaps like sushi and champagne for good measure. 

On TikTok, there are 1.1 million videos with the hashtag #sleepover, featuring friends gathering together and sisters ditching their partners to hang out. Currid says she isn’t surprized people are embracing these overnight plans like she has been for years, because it “avoids cutting conversations with friends short or being interrupted in a public space.” She and her friends began this tradition aged 19 when they were students in Paris and short on funds — sleepovers were a cheap way to spend evenings together. “Now we do it because it’s fun and sometimes we can’t be bothered to get dressed up and go out, especially when we’ve had a long week at work.” She adds that while they do still “go out for bougie meals and cocktail nights,” the sleepover habit didn’t stop, and Currid thinks it never will among her friends, despite some of them now being married. “It’s a conscious decision to spend quality time together.”

A desire to revisit sleepovers for the first time since childhood may also reflect a need for activities that feel nurturing and safe. Popcorn. Giggling. Movies. Crushes. Sleepovers as girls were the social event. They meant some peace from homework, freedom to talk, and the thrill of being allowed to stay up later than usual — and all at a time when friendships meant everything. Sleepovers hark back to a more innocent time, and, in practical terms, cost little to run while allowing for ample socializing, something we need now more than ever against the backdrop of increased loneliness and high inflation. 

It’s a sign of the times, agrees London-based psychotherapist Caroline Plumer. “Many of us are embracing more ‘wholesome’ activities that give us a sense of safety and nostalgia. Being at a sleepover with friends not only gives us the opportunity to have the type of deep and lengthy conversations that often tend to occur in the late hours, it also bonds us closer together and provides us a literal safe space,” Plumer explains. “We are away from strangers, noise and bustle involved in being outside and away from home. At ours or a friend’s place we may feel more inclined to relax, be ourselves and even divulge things we may not want to discuss in public around prying ears.” The low stakes of it all might be why sleepovers feel so appealing as adults — after a stressful work week, sleepovers are a low lift and easy way to unwind while still meeting up with people.

After all, it can be difficult to do Saturday night spontaneously if you haven’t pre-booked dinner or bought tickets to an event — so it’s no small thing that sleepovers can be done at the last minute. Gabrielle Lask, 25, had her first adult sleepover when a friend who lives abroad came to visit a couple of weeks ago. “We went out to dinner, but afterwards rather than cut the night short we decided to have a sleepover. It was so much fun. We stayed up late talking, my friend put on a fashion show of some new clothes she’d bought, and we ended the night by watching Magic Mike 3 in true sleepover fashion.” 

Sleepovers can also be made into grander affairs. When Zoe Mallett, from London, was thinking of how to celebrate her 32nd birthday in January, the idea of a big sleepover appealed to her. “I wanted to spend proper time with my friends in a relaxed and fun way, while also keeping it cheap, given the cost of living crisis and how everyone’s always short on money after Christmas,” she says. She ordered pizza, everyone brought bottles of wine, and they reminisced and chatted until the early hours. Mallett said the experience took her back to her student days when she lived with a group of friends.

“Hanging out this way bonds you,” she says. “It’s nice having people around, saying goodnight and then seeing them when you wake up as your most simple self, being in PJs, no makeup, and doing your morning routine. It can be quite intimate, so sharing those moments can bring you closer to people.” Sleepovers, feels Mallet, can satisfy a need for connection in a way that going out to an event might not.

“Sleepovers help me relax. You don’t have to think about travelling home, the time of the last train or how much a taxi will cost, you can properly chill,” Mallet adds. “Life feels so serious as you get older; sleepovers give you a night off to go back to being younger.” Meanwhile, Currid is busy planning her next sleepover for April. Next time the restaurant you want to try is booked up, or pay day feels far off, or a friend has been through a rough week, put a sleepover at the top of the agenda — and don’t forget the popcorn.