But let's start at the beginning. The first one-on-one date goes to Hannah Ann Sluss. She and Peter Weber do a classic explore-the-city date, during which they smash a hot dog with a bunch of condiments all over each others faces and then kiss. It’s just awful. They also check off another Bachelor trope by chatting with a random couple who have been together for 20 years. The pair say the key to a long relationship is communication and note that Hannah Ann looks young. No lies there.
Over dinner, Hannah Ann explains that while she was in a three-and-a-half year relationship, she wasn’t in love, which is concerning to Peter, because he thinks she might not be ready for marriage. She then says something about wanting to go "deep" with someone and sounds like she's just reciting lyrics from “Shallow” at him. The whole date comes off as though Peter thought he if he told her she wasn't ready, she would just agree and leave... but she doesn't. He steps outside for a breather, and when she follows him and starts crying, he says, “This is want I want to see.” I hate when people have this reaction to crying. (To be fair, I've only experienced it on this show and that one time I tried to be a personal assistant.) But what Peter explains is that he doesn’t want her to feel like she has to be “perfect.” She gets a rose in exchange for her tears.
The group date is next. Peter and the ladies visit a telenovela set and are given roles to act out for their show, El Amor de Pedro. This is a surprisingly fun group date. Everyone totally enjoys themselves and leans into the silliness of it all. Kelley Flanagan in particular shines as Pedro’s grandma, and calls herself a “GILF,” a “grandma I’d like to Fantasy Suite with.” She really meant it when she said she’d loosen up and enjoy the ride last episode. Other highlights include Tammy playing an angry knife-wielding neighbor and saying it was funny because “everyone knows how nice I am.” Kelsey Weier and everyone who watched Monday’s episode would beg to differ. There’s also a mustachioed Chris Harrison who shows up at the end so Peter can exclaim to him, “Papa! I have found my true love!”
Moving on to the group date cocktail party, the main thing to note is that Peter gives Victoria Paul the boot, because he doesn't see her "as his wife." She voices that she has concerns about his decision making, which is valid if you look at pretty much everything that’s happened so far. Still, she had been suspish, too, when it came to the Alayah Benavidez situation and this means we don’t get a conclusion on that. Well, at least not until the Women Tell All.
The party also gives us the return of the Tammy drama. This time, she’s going after Mykenna Dorn because Mykenna said she had a good day after previously considering leaving the show. These things are not mutually exclusive. To start the conversation, Tammy says, “I talked to you before in Cleveland, you live in this fantasy world and you’re putting on a show.” That is bold to insult someone by referencing the previous time you insulted them. This all just becomes a yelling match that goes nowhere. Mykenna tells Peter that Tammy was giving her a hard time, which is only worth noting because of what comes later.
Peter is the closest on this date with Kelsey and with Madison Prewett. In fact, he writes a new telenovela script for him and Madison which includes him saying, “I’ll kiss you with the passion of a million Chilean suns.” I am really at a loss. But, hey, they’re into each other. She gets the group date rose.
The next one-on-one goes to Victoria Fuller, who, as you’ll recall, already had a one-on-one date that featured her ex, Chase “The Guy That Was In The Concert” Rice. The only explanation for this happening so soon is that Peter likes her and wants a non-Chase Rice date. So, they learn about horses from a Chilean huaso. It’s clear that Peter is super into Victoria, but she starts expressing vague concerns about whether she wants to be there.
At night, a now sunburned Peter is distressed about whether Victoria actually even likes him. She starts talking about how her walls are up, but then runs for the bathroom where she talks to a producer about how she doesn’t know if she wants to leave and doesn’t know if she’s ready for marriage. They’re both in a lot of turmoil, and it seems pretty clear that this should not continue on, but yet Victoria returns to the table and says, “I don’t know why I’m acting like this … I wish I could get to a point where I knew my own issues so that you didn’t have to deal with them.” Whew! That is a deeper statement than it seems like she even realizes. Peter, though, is cool with her issues being his issues. “No one has given me this much grief,” he says, giving her a rose. This is a disaster.
The next day, the women are looking forward to the cocktail party when a surprise two-on-one date card arrives for Tammy and Mykenna. It reads, “Meet me at the cocktail party before everyone else arrives. Enough is enough.” This is the most tacked on two-on-one date ever. Actually, this is not even a two-on-one date. This is Peter not being that into either of them and a guarantee that at least one of them will leave.
Before Peter gets there, Mykenna decides to deliver the monologue that will be shown when she is nominated for an Emmy. She talks about how love will win, and how she found her “damn voice,” and how “I’m proud of who I am, Tammy!”
Then Peter shows up and is like, “Alright, bros, let's keep this brief.” Tammy tells him that Mykenna is there to build her brand and has been coming up with hashtags. As for her own relationship with Peter, it’s crystal clear that they don’t have a connection. Mykenna tells him that Tammy is “twisting the truth” to make her look bad. As for her own relationship with Peter, it’s crystal clear that they don’t have a connection.
When both women are back together, Peter says, “I can’t have both of you continue past tonight with me,” and I’m like, “Thank god! Finally a good decision, they’re both leaving.” But he just meant that they both can’t stay, and kicks off Tammy. In the limo Tammy says that he must just want a “trophy wife." Look, Tammy very well may be right about Mykenna, and if that was the only thing she’d brought up, maybe she’d still be on the show and in Bachelor Nation’s good graces. But Tammy’s issue was that she previously accused Kelsey of being a pill-popping alcoholic who had a “mental breakdown." You can’t not seem responsible for drama after that.
At the rose ceremony, Kelsey, Natasha Parker, and Kelley get roses, joining Madison, Victoria, and Hannah Ann. Mykenna doesn’t get a rose and asks the camera in reference to the two-on-one “date," why Peter didn't just send her home with Tammy. It could be this was a production decision, but it would have been more dramatic if Peter had sent them both home at once, so I have to assume this really was his doing. Mykenna then says, “This girl right here is tough and she’s powerful and she’s strong,” and it just sounds like she’s reading from the Hannah Brown Bachelorette playbook.
The other woman sent home is Sydney Hightower, which is genuinely shocking. She and Peter had so much chemistry. She seemed like final four material, for sure.
Now, there are only six women left. Six! Next week, we head to Lima, Peru, where we will hopefully see the relationship between Peter and Natasha that apparently exists. Give us Natasha!
*Special New Category* The Tammy Ly Quickest Downfall Award: The first (and likely last) Tammy Ly Quickest Downfall Award does not go to Tammy Ly, as it’s just named after her actions on the previous episode, but instead to Mykenna, who also took a shockingly fast turn. At the start of this episode she was totally a victim to Tammy’s insults. But then, she was accused of being there to build her brand and started giving some really intense quotes sounded like she was paraphrasing The Help. She left on a bad note, when she very easily could have left on a positive one had she not overplayed it.
What Chris Harrison Tells Peter During The Very Teased Finale: That he should have picked Sydney and he can still go back and find her, if he would like.