Welcome to the safest, most contoured space on the Internet: A space where we can openly discuss, dissect, and indulge in the greatest show of our time, Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
With only two episodes to go before the mid-season finale, and all three Kardashian babies have been birth, what drama is possibly left for us to watch unfold? We're done with the feud narrative (in fact, we've come full circle, and the first episode of the season has aired in the show's timeline and Kourtney, Kim and Scott have a pretty hilarious interaction about the now infamous "least interesting to look at" insult), we're still olive branch status with Tristan Thompson, and we're not really talking about Kanye West and all his shenanigans. Or...are we? Don't worry, Kris Jenner would never leave us empty handed. Episode 15, "Stacking the Deck," is one of the tamer episodes of the season, but it's prepping us all for next week which is all about that time Kanye went on TMZ Live. Remember that? Let's recap.
Wait, Is That Kanye West?
Yes it is! Kanye West decided to make his presence known in the second-to-last episode of the season. In the scene, Kanye is wearing his Kids See Ghosts merch (plug 1), talking up his friend and designer Virgil Abloh (plug 2), and trying to convince Kim to return to Paris for Virgil's first show as creative director of Louis Vuitton men's. Kim's on the fence and still dealing with repercussions of the traumatic experience she went through. Ultimately Kim decides to go to support Kanye and Virgil, but she's clearly very stressed. You know who doesn't look stressed though? Kanye. Considering the year he's had (you know what I'm talking about), it's sort of surprising to see him acting so carefree, smiley, and content. But even with a relaxed demeanor, he still shows shades of the (self-centered) Kanye fans have come to know and (usually) accept.
After convincing Kim to attend the show in Paris with him, he's talking (a lot) in the car, while Kim literally ignores him. He rambles. She stares out the window and doesn't engage. It's an interesting choice to air scenes that make Kanye look irritating and out of touch with his surroundings. It must be in preparation for next week's episode, which focuses on Kanye and his tweets about Trump and his controversial TMZ Live appearance.
In the end, Kim is happy she faced her fear and went to the show with her husband. It was worth it all to see Kanye and Virgil share such an intimate and heartfelt moment on the catwalk after the show. Tears, hugs, and couture. A day in the life.
It's time to learn poker, ladies! Aunt Shelli asks Kris Jenner to rally the troops for a charity poker game, and while everyone's so down to get their poker faces on, Khloé has one major concern. "Isn't it embarrassing if we all go and don't know how to win and can't play?" Good point. Enter: The professionals. Kris hires a poker champ, Khloé hires a "poker brat," and Kim hires a mentalist to ensure that they don't look like total poker newbies on the big day. (Everyone forgets to tell Kendall she can hire a professional.)
The day of, Kim knows she isn't going to win the tournament, but she'll be damned if she doesn't at least beat one of her family members. Each of the sisters have their own strategy. Kim's is "distract, distract, distract" and her skin tight Matrix-look will do just that. Khloé's strategy is to be patient and get her competition drunk. Kris is...already drunk? And Kendall's nervous as hell, but luckily has Corey Gamble by her side to help her out. In the end, Kris loses the first round. Kim powers through to the second after winning the exact card she needed to win the hand. Khloé calls out her male table mates for loving poker because it's just a dick size contest. Kendall somehow stays in the game the longest, proving that beginner's luck is very real.
I have to admit that this whole gambling bit was surprisingly entertaining, mostly because it had all the sisters engaged and competing against each other. The Kardashian and Jenner women truly shine when they're in competition mode.
Kourtney Really Wants More Kids?
Apparently this baby fever is contagious because Kourtney has more offspring on her mind. She's decided to start the process of freezing her eggs. Her reproductive doctor informs her that now is a good time for her to start the process because, at the moment, she has 5 follicles ready to be harvested. Kourtney was hoping to hear she had more than that, and feels a new sense of urgency to get the process going.
Chatting with her friends, Stephanie Shepherd and Larsa Pippen, Kourtney lifts her shirt to reveal a string of scars on her stomach from the shots she has to give herself. It's a real look at the intensity of going through with the procedure, and the episode ends with Kourtney going under and going through with the procedure. The doctors are able to retrieve 7 useable eggs, and Kim reveals that she had the same number of eggs frozen, too. Kourtney says the experience was actually a lot less intense than she anticipated.
Our weekly round-up of the craziest one-liners from the episode (these are all out of context because it makes them funnier):
"That's such a fresh landmark." — Kanye West
"He's like 600 years old now." — Khloé
"He's basically our age."— Kim
"He's basically our age."— Kim
"Oh, sorry that was not the vibe..." — Larsa