Nick Jonas would like you to know that he is currently enjoying his bachelor party weekend. We invite you to direct your attention to his Instagram, where he is sharing pics from his last hurrah as a single man before his wedding to Priyanka Chopra, after her bachelorette party last weekend. The photos are free of scandalous content, as would be expected from a former Disney star, but they all have one thing in common: hashtags, and lots of them. That’s right, Jonas has hustled his bachelor party into sponcon.
Those cold ones he’s cracking open with his boys? They’ve been provided by Elit Vodka, which is made by Stolichnaya, or Stoli, as we affectionately called it in college. Jonas, inexplicably wearing a boat captain’s hat, flashes a smile next to a perfectly-arranged tray with two glasses of @elit_vodka. If Jonas was being judged on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra Banks would blast this photo is as “way, way too catalog.”
He also employs the hashtag #lightupthenight, even the photo was taken during the daytime. Jonas would also like to point that @elit_vodka is a #topshelfspirit, which, okay — a bottle of the stuff will set you back $47.99. A tad more expensive than the headache-inducing well vodkas of our youth, but @elit_vodka is #distinguishedbytaste, or something.
We have another beautiful sponsored Instagram photo before us, and in this pic, Jonas is hanging out with green LimeBike scooters. “I was searching for a fun way for my groomsmen to be mobile and ready to roll – so I called up my friends at @Limebike for some help…” he writes, as if we’re expected to believe that his wedding party didn’t have access to cars or bicycles. These are ostensibly #groomsmengifts, but are they really gifts if a brand provided them for free? And what the hell does #CitrusGotReal even mean in these fraught political times?
Still, we respect the hustle. Weddings are incredibly expensive, and even Jonas felt the need to cut corners where he can. But this begs the question: do you feel like drinking @elit_vodka now? Are you ready to scoot off on a LimeBike? Is the advertorial content working on a generation of social media-obsessed millennials? Who will sponsor the wedding? Jonas’ Instagram, providing us with more questions than answers. If you’re on the marketing team that came up with these hashtags, we’d love to speak with you. #Makeitelit.