Lamar Odom is opening up. The former basketball player, who was married to Khloé Kardashian before they filed for divorce in 2014, has penned a touching essay for The Players' Tribune about his overdose in 2015, and how his addiction affected his life in ways he's only recently figured out how to rectify. He starts, however, at the beginning, when he woke up in a hospital room in Nevada, unable to speak, with tubes coming out of his mouth.
"My ex-wife was there in the room with me. After all the shit I had done, I was surprised to see her," he remembered. "Honestly, that’s when I knew that I was probably in bad shape."
He references Rick James when he writes, "Cocaine is a hell of a drug." He says his addiction turned him into a different person, made him do things he knew were wrong, but he couldn't stop.
"That’s the thing people don’t understand," he continued. "Anybody who’s lived a complicated, drug-infused life like I’ve lived knows the cycle — with women, cheating on my wife, shit like that. Nights when I should have been asleep. Nights when I stayed up sniffing coke. Lot of those nights. When your heart is beating fast. When you should know better. When you’re just riding that roller coaster, man."
He remembers a specific instance, however, that's pretty shocking. Back when he was married to Khloe (the couple's divorce was finalized in 2016), he remembers her finding him doing drugs with another woman.
"One of the darkest places I’ve ever been was when I was in a motel room, getting high with this chick, and my wife (at the time) walked in," he explained. "That probably was like rock bottom."
While he and Khloé are no longer together, it sounds like Lamar's life is back on track. He still has his kids (from previous partner Liza Morales), and it's thanks to them that he's still standing.
"I just look at their faces for a few minutes, and it’s like a reminder of what life is supposed to be about," he concluded. "I feel warm. I feel an energy. I feel love."