By now we can all agree that the news cycle is fast. As in, "blink and you'll miss the latest developments in the Russia scandal, and a new executive order, and oh look President Trump is tweeting again" type of fast.
Nobody understands this more than Trevor Noah and the folks at The Daily Show. How is a joke supposed to be funny when the premise and the punchline have a shelf-life of approximately five minutes before they are outdated?
"These days, the news cycle is so fast there's no time to delve into half of these stories. Before you can even get to one, there's five more," Noah said.
So the host tackled this madness during last night's episode with a new lighting rod segment called "Ain't Nobody Got Time For That."
First off, the "laptop ban." Yesterday the world woke up to find that the Trump administration was banning electronic devices larger than a cellphone in carry ons for U.S.-bound flights coming from eight countries in the Middle East and Northern Africa. The reason? Unspecified threats.
"If you thought you had problems with terrorism before, just wait until you see how parents react when they find out they have to be in a long flight with their kids and can't use an iPad ," he joked. "You've never seen someone radicalized so fast!"
But even though we could talk about what type of threats are pushing the U.S. government to take these security measures, there's no time. Why? Because these past two days the Senate has held the confirmation hearings of Trump's Supreme Court nominee, Judge Neil Gorsuch. And even though Noah would like to talk about how white Gorsuch sounds and how handsome he is, he can't!
Because there's an earthquake in the media: The Blaze's Tomi Lahren has been suspended from her show because she said she was pro-choice last week.
Noah doesn't think that her suspension is cool, especially because the conservative network "preaches day in and day out" about "politically correct snowflakes" who can't deal with people who they disagree with...But then they suspend one of their employees when she "speaks her truth."
"I was offended by the hypocrisy, I was so offended that I wanted to protest. But unfortunately there's no type of Black people protest that Tomi is comfortable with," Noah joked, making reference to a comment she made when she appeared at The Daily Show last December.
But let's not fret about her suspension. After all, Noah said, "when God fires one white woman, he employs another."
Noah argued that we should be talking about how the first daughter has an undefined role in the West Wing, whether there could be conflicts of interest, and whether it violates nepotism laws.
"We should be digging into this, but the truth is we can't," he concludes. "Because in the world we're living in, ain't nobody got time for that."