Justin Bieber Is Trying To Trick The World Into Thinking He's Good At Basketball

Justin Bieber would very much like the world to know how good at basketball he is. The only problem is that he's not particularly good at basketball. His latest salvo in what feels like a Hundred Years War is this totally casual appearance on Venice Beach.
ESPN Radio host Michael Grady noticed Biebs pull up with a security guard and announce that he had next. We'll show you the picture of Bieber gamely gamboling up the blacktop a little behind the play. That's definitely him, by the way.
He's been trying to convince us that he can actually play for years. Deadspin has an excellent compilation of his shamefully staged and generally embarrassing attempts to trick the American (and Canadian, we guess) public into acknowledging his basketball talent. The only problem is that we have footage of him playing against people that are kind of trying. Even then, in a celebrity all-star game, he's not that good.
The problem with playing basketball against people that let you win is that you can never trust your actual talent level. He might have a couple moves, like an in-and-out dribble and a crossover, but he doesn't have a good jumpshot and he's too short to finish around the rim. You could just take him in the low block all day and he'd have no answer. That's partially not his fault; he's 5'9". But his j needs work and I'm just the man to help.
Bieber, consider this an invitation: I will fix your ugly jumpshot for the price of a few million dollars. Think about it: You'll finally be able to be good at one aspect of basketball.
Also, he peed his pants today, we think. The whole thing is distressing.

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