We Kept Up With The Kardashians For You & Discovered Something Terrifying

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images.
I know you know that I know that most people's lives on social media are fake. That's true for me, for you, and especially for the Kardashian family. But they just went to a whole new level of totally fabricated drama to make the media more obsessed with them than ever. Last week, I broke down the details behind the Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna romance, which started years before the Kardashian empire was close to what it is today. Today, let's break down all of the ways the whooole crew is throwing sticks in their own fire, and watching the flames go up in smoke. And the smoke signals read, "$$$."

Last Friday, Rob drove to pick up his new official girlfriend, Blac Chyna, from Texas because she got into a drunken situation at Austin International Airport. She was arrested, for public intoxication and possession of a drug. But despite all this, she had time to make a brand-new app! (That is in beta, and somehow already No. 5 on the iTunes App Store.)
Upon hearing news of the arrest, Khloé was not impressed. She was, up until two weeks ago, sharing her mansion with Rob.
And neither was Kylie. She also had a zing for bro Rob. As we know, Rob is dating Kylie's current (on-and-off) boyfriend Tyga's ex-girlfriend and the mother of his son.
Khloé, who is all about THE family, wanted to add another bit of commentary regarding the incident.
Blac Chyna's mother went on social media, seemingly responding directly to Khloé's tweets, quick to defend her daughter. Tokyo Toni said "no shade," but we all see some being thrown. Yes, that is Khloé's mug shot from her own drunken arrest.

#BlacChyna's mom #MsTokyoToni was here for the pettiness today! #KhloeKardashian

A photo posted by The Shade Room (@theshaderoominc) on

Blac Chyna agreed with her mom, and used the wise words of DJ Khaled, who happens to be buddies with Kanye, Kim, and the rest of the crew, to subtly tell them off.

Another one ?

A photo posted by (@blacchyna) on

And then, of course, Keeper of the Kardashians Kris had to come into play.
But Kris realized she was wasting a very key opportunity. Rob had conveniently just updated his sock website. Remember that? It's totally fine if you don't. The self-proclaimed "proud mama" is here to show off the newly launched line. Even when she's mad at her son, she's still got to move her pawns around.
Meanwhile, Kanye the Soothsayer was basically predicting the future by saying his current wife, Kim, plays nicely with exes.
What a coincidence that a few days later, this photo started going viral!

Tea anyone?

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

And then, guess who was conveniently back in the Twittersphere, to share the good news. All's good in Hollywood.
Because, guess what! Wiz's album comes out Friday!
You know who else was being dragged through the mud? Baby daddy Tyga. But he's now on the cover of a glossy magazine, DuJour, giving the mag an all-access pass to meet his "lady friend" who is "a young, bleary-eyed Kylie Jenner lookalike" and "is huddled outside the gate, shivering in the light drizzle" outside of Tyga's house. Sorry, Kylie?


A photo posted by Tyga / T-Raww (@kinggoldchains) on

Note: That is a mannequin, not the aforementioned Kylie Jenner lookalike. Still weird, though. But she doesn't seem mad. In fact, he was just on her Kylie Radio show, being "so funny."
Kourtney's on the side, but still prodding the growing fire on Instagram.

There must have been an emergency meeting cause...?? #KourtneyKardashian

A photo posted by The Shade Room (@theshaderoominc) on

But Rob is all "whatever" now, 'cause he's a little busy making no sense on his newly downloaded Snapchat.

#PressPlay : #RobKardashian is now on #SnapChat !

A video posted by The Shade Room (@theshaderoominc) on

Most shockingly, yet not really at all (if we wanna put together the pieces), is that it appears in this video Blac uploaded of herself partying with Amber Rose, that Amber is wearing the exact same outfit from her selfie with Kim. Which means...they were all together. Because nothing is real.


A video posted by (@blacchyna) on

But someone seems to be missing. Where's Kendall? Oh, there she is. The most low-key sister, who is just trying to maintain her friendships, and meanwhile avoiding all of the above drama.
At this point, the Kardashians are just messing with us, I think. The drama with this one family is so deeply knotted and complex that, for an entertainment writer, it's almost too good to be true. It's like going down a rabbit hole full of hair extensions, well-placed relationships, and fake Twitter feuds. And hella self-promotion.

They make themselves too available to us in order to make us never. stop. forgetting. about. them. The terrifying part? It works.
Also, totally calling a Blac Chyna and Amber Rose show in the next year. It would be even better if it aired at the same time as KUwtK.

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