Every Couple On Love Is Blind, Analysed By A Superfan

Photo courtesy of Netflix
Warning! Contains spoilers for Love Is Blind episodes 1-9.
Despite my reservations I fell hard and fast for Love Is Blind. At first I tried to fight it – during episode one I huffed through my nostrils like a vexed pony and shook my head while uttering dad phrases like "Codswallop!", "Utter tripe!" and "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!"
By episode two I had written the whole Netflix phenomenon off as unwatchable drivel; yet I kept watching. Then something remarkable happened. I started to let my guard down (walls I had built up after years of hurt caused by past dating shows) and, finally, I let Love Is Blind in. Since then I've become besotted, head over heels – even a tad obsessive.
It hasn't been plain sailing though. Some of my friends and family just don't get it. When one pal jokingly complained that she was aghast after returning from a meeting and checking her phone to discover 45 new messages in our WhatsApp group chat about the Jessica/Mark dynamic, I seriously considered whether I could have someone like that in my life. (I have since decided we can be friends again. In March.) Meanwhile it's brought my supportive friends, some of whom feel the same about Love Is Blind, closer.
 
Such is the depth of my love that I've been trying to process what I will do after the finale airs (on 27th February) so, for all the other superfans trying to make sense of Love Is Blind before the last bumper episode, I've put together some thoughts on the – I'm not sure what to call them – cast? Characters? Contestants?
 
(Note to fellow mega fans: You will notice that I have not attempted to tackle the thunderstorm of complex, taboo and visceral emotions that rose from the ashes of the Carlton and Diamond storyline, but I am planning to return to education and write a PhD on it soon so watch this space.)
For now, please enjoy my rudimentary analysis of the Love Is Blind lineup, a group of people who I have never met but feel I know better than some of my own kin.

Let's begin...

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