Maybe Adam Pally was right: We're living in hell. There's nothing I slurp up more readily than absurd drama between internet celebrities, but this week felt like a particularly heightened version of the dystopian nightmare we as a society are steadily hurdling towards. There's no reason you should be keeping up with any of it, per se, but if you are also weirdly fascinated by internet culture, or need something to talk about with your 13-year-old niece, or just want to feel better about yourself in comparison, then I've tried to break down the three main internet beefs currently unfolding below.
Bhad Bhabie vs. Woah Vicky & Lil Tay
Who are they?
Bhad Bhabie is the rap name for 15-year-old Danielle Bregoli, who you probably know best as "Cash Me Ousside" girl. Woah Vicky is 18-year-old Victoria Waldrip. Lil Tay is nine.
The exact origin of this feud cannot be pinpointed, but thanks to the sleuthing work of Jezebel, we can perhaps blame it on a good old fashioned rivalry between the two musicians, fueled by alleged racial slurs. All of this culminated in an almost-fight outside a shopping mall (?).
Lil Tay is just kind of there for all of this, but had a lot to say after the fact in defense of Woah Vicky. The two appear to have some kind of alliance. I don't know.
"Broke ass bitch, you can't fight for shit and you a bitch," Lil Tay said in a video directed to Bregoli. "Go back to beating up your mom on Dr. Phil." She is nine!!!!!!!!
Why do I care?
Because at this rate, one of these women will probably end up president!
Lil Miquela vs. Bermuda
Who are they?
Well, first off, they aren't real, but it just gets stranger from there. The best way to describe Lil Miquela and Bermuda is "Sims characters who have Instagrams," except we don't know who is controlling them. Lil Miquela, aka Miquela Sousa aka it does not matter because she is not real, is meant to be a Brazilian-American 19-year-old influencer — and that's true! She has a million followers and is depicted via some impressive graphic design skills wearing all types of fashionable outfits hawking legit designers. She also is vocal about progressive movements like LGBTQ rights and Black Lives Matter.
Enter Bermuda, the polar opposite of Lil Miquela. She's a white Tomi Lahren-type character who is heavily conservative and loud about it. Her first post was back in September, but recently, she decided to start some drama. Or, maybe, drama started itself.
From what I can deduce, Bermuda's damage seems to be rooted in a mystery that's still unfolding. In order to pressure Lil Miquela to "come clean," Bermuda hacked Lil Miquela's account, posting, according to Motherboard, messages like this:
“Hi guys! Bermuda here. Soooo... you’re being lied to by a fake a*s person. Literally who is buying this for one second? Apparently a lot of you. …Sorry, Miquela. I tried to DM, I tried to call but you ‘stay curving’ me. You brought this on yourself, girl ? Leave me a comment if you care about the truth, k? ? Go follow @bermudaisbae.”
And what is this "truth"? Lil Miquela just revealed it:
She's not real, which we all knew. But she goes on to build a whole narrative that we're just getting the beginning of.
"My managers, people I considered family, lied to me. @brud.fyi told me I was created based on the life and mind of a human named Miquela Sousa who grew up in Downey," she wrote. "That was a lie. The truth is I was built by a man named Daniel Cain in order to be a servant. Brud stole me from his company in Silicon Valley and 're-programmed' me to be 'free.'"
"Brud," according to their Instagram, is a rival robotics and AI group. But it sounds like there's more to the story — including this tidbit hidden in Bermuda's recent post:
"Despite it all, there’s only three of us out there and we need to stick together," she wrote. Three. Three. That means there's another CGI robot out there who is another piece of this confusing puzzle, this Westworld of the Internet. Possibly this guy.
Why do I care?
Because whatever this story is, it's still unfolding, and so much work was put into setting it up over the past year that I need to see it through.
Mars Argo vs. Poppy & Titanic Sinclair
Who are they?
Poppy is an internet personality who makes music alongside cryptic, disturbing videos that appear to take down internet and celebrity culture. Mars Argo was an internet personality who made music alongside cryptic, disturbing videos that appeared to take down internet and celebrity culture. See the problem?
The two share/d the same schtick, have another thing in common: Titanic Sinclair. Sinclair directs all of Poppy's video, and before that, did the same with Mars Argo. Argo is accusing Sinclair of ripping off her persona and using it for Poppy — but there's more.
In addition to accusing Poppy and Titanic Sinclair of ripping off her identity, Argo has also accused Sinclair of "severe emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation." In a lawsuit filed on April 17, Mars Argo (real name Brittany Sheets) outlines the romantic relationship between her and Sinclair (Corey Mixter) that began in 2008 and spawned a number of creative projects, including Mars Argo and their YouTube channel. They released around 92 videos between 2009 and 2015, and began doing live shows.
"Although Mars Argo was growing in popularity during this time, Ms. Sheets was living a nightmare," the document reads. Their relationship ended in 2014, but Sheets says Mixter began to "repeatedly harass, stalk, threaten, and abuse Ms. Sheets, including — but not limited to — threatening to commit suicide, repeatedly showing up unannounced at Ms. Sheets' doorstep, breaking into her apartment, stalking her every move on social media, disparaging her to mutual friends, acquaintances, or others in the industry, and even physically assaulting her." This resulted in Sheets leaving Los Angeles.
She's been quiet on social media ever since, until returning this week with a statement to accompany the news:
I started this journey long before the #metoo movement found its footing, but I so am grateful for the brave women who shared their stories before me. I hope that by telling mine, I can be a voice for those who come after me pic.twitter.com/4uT7QHhEtz— Mars Argo (@marsargo) April 17, 2018
She decided to come forward about the alleged abuse after being inspired by the #MeToo movement. She is seeking damages from Mixter for alleged abuse and from his company for copying her identity. She is also seeking a domestic violence restraining order. She is also seeking damages from Poppy for being an alleged accomplice in the copyright infringement.
Sheets, Mixter, and Poppy did not immediately return Refinery29's request for comment.
Why should I care?
Because a woman's success was buried and her career abandoned due to yet another instance of alleged abuse in the entertainment industry.
And that's what you missed on: Hell!
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