The Church of Scientology is coming to a small screen near you very soon. Yesterday, the church announced via Twitter that the Scientology Network will launch Monday, March 13 at 1 a.m. GMT. “Three, two, one...HELLO WORLD, and greetings from Scientology Media Productions in Hollywood, CA!” the @ScientologyTV account tweeted. “It's TIME for us to tell OUR story….” But, the real question we’re all wondering is, will Scientology’s celebrity members be there to help them tell it?
If that’s the case, the Scientology TV channel, which will be available on DirectTV, Apple TV, FireTV, Roku, and the network’s own website, isn’t making a big deal about it. In the network’s teaser, which appeared in the aforementioned announcement tweet, there’s a shot of a cruise ship, the church’s California headquarters, and so many copies of founder L. Ron Hubbard’s book Dianetics. The words, “The only things more interesting than what you’ve heard is what you haven’t,” fly across the screen, only to end with the question, “Curious?” In between, members of the church talk about why you should watch the network, but none are faces you’ll recognise. In fact, the teaser doesn’t actually advertise the new network’s programming. Will it show Tom Cruise movies? Possibly!
According to The Hollywood Reporter, there’s no word yet which — if any — famous members will be involved in the programming. For now, all we know is that the Scientology TV app says the network will have live streaming and “full episodes of your favorite shows,” though it’s unclear which shows those are. They could possibly star famous members like Elisabeth Moss, Danny Masterson, and John Travolta because who wouldn’t want to watch a marathon of Welcome Back Kotter? “Favorite shows” also implies, though, that they’ll be creating their own original programming that they hope will become essential viewing.
Most likely, though, this channel will be a tool for recruiting, not unlike NRATV. Throughout its first teaser, members discuss how excited people are to visit their church, peeking through the window to know more about Hubbard’s beliefs and what an E-meter is, which they briefly mention in the commercial. The network may offer a peek behind the curtain to convince all those suppressive people that Scientology isn’t actually anything like what they’ve heard.
And boy, have you probably heard some wacky stories about Xenu and thetans courtesy of the 2015 HBO documentary Going Clear, 2017’s My Scientology Movie, and former Scientologist Leah Remini’s docuseries. With this new network dedicated to all things Scientology, the church appears eager to tell its side of a story that has been told many times before. Curious? The Church of Scientology sure hopes so.
Refinery29 reached out to representatives for The Church of Scientology for comment about celebrity involvement in the network, but they did not respond at press time.
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