The world is full of jokes centered on the idea that people’s sex lives end when they get married: “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.” “What food diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake.”
But these jokes are based in sexist stereotypes that say men want sex all the time and women don’t want sex at all. (Not to mention the fact that these stereotypes don't acknowledge same-sex couples.) The reality of sex after marriage is not so dire.
In fact, married people are having more sex than unmarried people, according to the 2017 General Social Survey. Between 2010 and 2014, married adults had sex 56 times per year, on average, while unmarried adults had sex 51 times per year. So that means the average married couple has sex slightly more than once a week, while average singletons have sex slightly less than once a week.
Keeping up a thriving sex life isn’t always easy when you're years into a partnership and dealing with the unsexy realities of life on the daily. You will likely have to put some work into it — think scheduling sex, having in-depth conversations about what you and your spouse would like your sex life to look like, and trying new things in bed. You and your partner’s libidos will go through highs and lows over time, and you will learn to work with those changes.
"We can become a bit nostalgic for the beginnings of relationships where sex might have been more frequent," Myisha Battle, a certified sex coach in San Francisco, previously told Refinery29. "Developing acceptance of the ebb and flow of sex within your relationship can be more satisfying in the long run.”
Okay, okay, okay. None of that sounds super-sexy and fun. But hearing from people who got hitched about their experiences even years down the road might change your mind. We read through various sexy Reddit threads, and found stories that prove that sex after marriage can be as hot as ever.
"I'm 41, married 10 years, living together for 16, and our kids are seven and nine. We had sex four times this weekend, but to be fair kids were over at a friend's place. I'd say our average is 2-3 times during the week and another two on weekends. Only really took a dip when the kids were quite young because a) they had to constantly watched and b) we were exhausted a lot." (via Reddit)
"I'm 32 with two kids. My partner and I have been married for almost 7 years, been together for over 12. Our sex life has never been better. Straight up, no lies. 5-10 times a week depending on our energy levels. Lately, we've been having a hard time getting enough sleep because we keep having sex. Just last night actually, we went to bed early, but neither of us could fall asleep so we went at it for an hour, and then went to sleep. Life is good." (via Reddit)
"Married just over 16 years. We ordered pizza two nights ago because we needed to feed our daughter but wanted to spend the time having sex instead of cooking." (via Reddit)
"Married 16 years with three kids. She's always had a high sex drive. We'd do it every night if I could keep up (I'm older now and it's not as easy). We found out after some hints and playing around that she REALLY loves being dominated. So now we're experimenting with that. Buying lots of sex toys, talking dirty, tying her up. Man, it's been a wild ride and super exciting. Kids are getting older now and it's harder to hide (especially since she's a screamer). They're going to know something's up (no pun intended) but we're really enjoying it." (via Reddit)
"My husband and I are into BDSM so there are always new things to try. He has a lot of fetishes. I have a lot of fetishes. We share a lot of the same fetishes. We are also swingers with a second gay couple. So there is something always new to try there. Most importantly, we talk about sex. We are open to each, there is no shame in hiding things. We are in love and the more we express our love, the deeper the bond goes and the better sex we have. We've been married for four years and we still have sex every day." (via Reddit)
"My wife and I always had a good sex life. However, in our early 50s, it could be described as having become a bit predictable. We did some research on swinging and decided to check out a swingers club, which turned out to be a great experience and very encouraging. From there started to meet other swingers and made new friends who we met up for play, which got us into private parties we both attended and hosted. The highlight was a swingers' cruise with hundreds of swingers chartering a cruise ship for an entire ship takeover.
"My wife sums up the swinging experience for us as a 'relationship enhancing activity.' We like that our core relationship is confident and secure enough that we can engage in this very liberating sexual and social activity that has brought new dimensions to the way we relate to each other as partners." (via Reddit)
"[The best sex of my life happened when] I dressed as a schoolgirl for my husband, and he put bondage cuffs on me and flogged me until my entire ass and back were on fire (I looove that). Then he fucked me from behind, and I had multiple orgasms. [Another time that stands out is when] my current girlfriend (husband and I are poly) was recently finger-fucking me and licking my clit, and I squirted for the first time. That was really an incredible experience!" (via Reddit)
"My husband drunkenly confessed to wanting to try crossdressing and being pegged. I was dubious, but what the hell... I would always try anything once. Turns out I'm way more dom in the bedroom than I thought, and we both got hugely turned on, and it's changed things in the bedroom. We don't do it EVERY time — probably once a month or so... as we both enjoy more vanilla sex as well." (via Reddit)
"[The best sex of my life happened when] my husband and I met this guy on a dating app. He was really hot to us, and while we've never done anything with another guy before, together we thought, why not. We invited him over and after talking and drinking we had sex for, I shit you not, six hours straight. Since we're gay it was basically six hours of foreplay, cuddling, everything, not getting off until the very end. When we saw the clock we were all in shock. It was a whirlwind of an evening." (via Reddit)